I don't know if you picked this up in my last email home when I sent a photo of my district, but as it turned out this transfer, I'm district leader...of a district of Sisters. At the time I sent the photo, it was only 4 sisters, but now it's increased to 7, and soon to be 10. Thing about district leader is you have to be really supportive and helpful to everyone, and also likeable, ESPECIALLY with the sisters, because if you do anything wrong or rub anyone the wrong way, the district will tell the mission president. And in the words of the mission president, "Elder Reneer, the elders, they almost never say anything bad about their leaders. But the sisters...the sisters will never hesitate to say everything about you."
So after some more comforting words from the president like these, I brainstormed on all the things I could do to win over the district, so that they would not have any reason to say anything bad about me, like how my increasingly large forehead has a certain lack of hair presence, or how I have a wee little mole above my upper lip, or how when I get up to talk in front of them I tremble and wee my pants a little bit because I'm scared of all the estrogen in the room. The ONLY force I came up with that's potent enough to stifle the super-estrogenic destructive powers of the sisters was momma's cookies recipe. All I have to do is make the cookies and bring them the the district meetings, and as soon as they arrive, the sisters get so distracted with how pretty and tasty the cookies are, they don't even pay attention to my stress-balded head or my trembling and weeing. Thanks mom for teaching me how to make those cookies, they're a life-saver!
So I just wanted to set aside a little time in this email to commemorate a happy NINE MONTHS IN BRAZIL WITHOUT GETTING ROBBED! YEAH! You know, everyone's always so worried about missionaries getting robbed, whatever part of the world they might be in. But honestly I think the one strong trait I have going for me in the business of robbery avoidance in my sweat factor. Being an American can be a huge advantage, because we sweat at least 3.25X more than the native population of Brazil. What I imagine generally goes through the heads of people that take a look at me, wondering if they can acheive a robbery-attack-thievery with me, take one look at my American sweat factor of 325% of normal sweatiness, and decide that there's no way they would be able to grab me securely enough without my super-sweat soaking their pick-pocketing hands like a bar of soap and then slipping in my sweat-puddle trail and falling to the ground. And once they hit the ground, it's all over, all I have to do to scare them off is give 'em a little Sweat Willy (it's like a Wet Willy, but the sweat version), and they lose all desire whatsoever to rob any American of any sort. So anyways, before I get too off track, I would just like to commemorate a happy 9 MONTHS IN BRAZIL WITHOUT GETTING ROBBED!
I don't know if you already noticed, but I managed to atttatch a picture of our freezer as it currently is. What happens is that when I wake up every morning, I stuff my pillow into grocery bags(to keep it dry) and I stuff it in the freezer so it's so beautifully frozen and cold when I go to bed at night. It's not exactly first-class air conditioning, but it'll do for the time being in Brasil.
I love you all so incredibly much:)
Elder Daniel Reneer
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