August 19, 2013

This week has been pretty good to me:)

Elder Ginatto and I have been working to get some baptisms for this coming weekend, and I've been having a pretty good time working with him. Just one thing: We are constantly out of our house so much, on p-day and every day, that I hardly ever have a shred of time to get handwritten letters to you guys :( Last p-day was NUTS, and didn't work out for any sort of letter-writing. Seriously, just SOME of the things that happened:

-We ended up not taking the bus and walking an hour to downtown (our bad)...in the sun...

-We all got sunburned

-We all ended up spending way too much of our budget while in downtown.

-The coconut water guy hustled us for double the normal price in downtown (Dude, you gotta understand that coconut water is amazing. Not a good feeling to get hustled for it).

-Elder Gross (who lives in the house with us) lost the keys to the house.

-Elder Ginatto sprained his ankle.

And so we all ended up just kind of dissatisfied with p-day when we got home. Actually, we were actually kind of happy about it. It was kinda one of those moments where you failed so miserably, failed so utterly, that it just makes you feel like laughing. Like when Loki challenged Hulk. Or like when Leia kissed Luke (actually that wasn't funny). Or like white people that like to play basketball, or beatbox, or break dance. Just makes me cackle healthily every time I think about it.

And this p-day we discovered a SAM'S CLUB in our area, and we all took advantage! Elder Ginatto got a membership car today, and so we all headed over and spent all we could afford. Carefully observing the pictures I'm sending, you'll see the MOUNTAIN of Froot Loops we bought, that we got from a sale they were having. They were selling big boxes of Froot Loops for 30 CENTS! So we actually ended up almost filling the cart with just that.

And I also found out this week that Dad called into the mission office, and actually ended up talking to one of my ex-companions, Elder Roberto. He said he got the jist of what you were trying to say, and understood that you WEREN'T trying to get me to come home early:) That's gotta be a tough phone call when one end only speaks Spanish and English and the other end only speaks Portuguese:)

Alright, things are going AWESOMELY out here, I'm loving Jacintinho!

And I LOVE you guys!

More than missionaries love Froot Loops:)

Bye!

Elder Daniel Reneer

(Sorry, this one won't fully upload)

August 12, 2013

Another new transfer! So news of the transfer is that now I'm with an elder I lived with in Lagarto, Elder Ginatto. He was my zone leader there, and now we're working together. He's a hard worker and super determined, and we're getting stuff DONE here in our area. We already ended up getting a baptism in this week of a little boy that has been going to church for 3 months now with the bishop's family. We're trying to get the mom and dad on board with the baptism, too, but they're living together unmarried, so for now, that's the difficulty for getting them to baptism. 

And you wouldn't BELIEVE how many people here are living together unmarried, it's RIDICULOUS. I don't know what's going on, there are just SO many and it is soooo hard to find any sort of family around here where the parents are married, I'm estimating it's something like 30% married. I think the churches here have stopped preaching that that's a sin or something, it's like they don't even talk about it anymore, I just don't know. This is probably the thing that most missionaries detest on the mission here.

But yeah, I'll just leave that topic where it lies, it's like an old boxing glove. Every time I pick it up, it's smelly, ugly, and every time I put it on I feel like punching someone. Repeatedly. Until they get married.

So last P-Day we had a farewell party for Elder Albuquerque and another one of my old companions that's returned home this week. We had the party in one of the member's houses, and I ended up using a chunk of my P-Day, about 2 hours, to blow up balloons for it, and we FILLED that house with balloons...or in other words, with the proper air from my lungs. 

So mom, as far as losing weight/taking care of your body goes, I'm right there with you. Actually, I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm actually trying to do the opposite, trying to put on any weight I can get my hands on, but it's NOT WORKING. I am literrally doing EVERYTHING I can to gain weight. I'm eating more ice cream, getting more sweets, piling on more rice and beans, slapping more slabs of meat on my plates, but it's NOT WORKING. I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that if you want to gain weight, you gotta eat heavier stuff, so I'm even trying to eat straight lead to see if that'll add any sort of a fraction of a pound. I'll let you know how that works out, when I see some results. 

But yeah, I'm really trying to get somewhere with my body right now, and so I've been working out twice a day, and so far, I feel great! If I keep going in the direction I'm going now, when I walk out of the plane, keeping in mind my balding head, workout habits and my Brazilian sun-bronzed skin, you will most likely mistake me for Dwayne Johnson when I walk out. Seriously.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Also I LOVED the BYU tie, not sure if I forgot to say something about it or what. I just can't look at it for too long, or I start thinking about home and start having trunky moments. It's my only tie that makes me think about getting married at the "Happy Hunting Grounds" of BYU.

Elder Daniel Reneer

August 5, 2013

This last week has been good to me! 

I think I'm starting to get more positive about things, getting more fire for life now that I'm finally making closure with the fact that I'm going bald. I feel like I have a lot in common with Harry Potter in that way. When he made closure with the fact that he was going to die (which we all know is almost as bad as balding), it gave him the push he needed to give Voldemort a good beating. ;)

No, but seriously, all jokes aside, things are going good here. We just ended a transfer (I stayed) and Elder Albuquerque got transferred. I'll find out who my new companion is tomorrow in the transfer meeting with the President.

We spent a lot of the last week helping out our zone, doing exchanges, and doing baptismal interviews. It's been nuts! In fact, I've been so scatterbrained and flustered during the week that I managed to accidentally lock me and Elder Albuquerque into the church grounds of a different ward. I don't really know how I did it. One moment we were going into the church, the next moment I realized that I locked the gate behind us. I was too embarrassed to tell Elder Albuquerque that it was because I was deep in thought imagining what it would be like to be an assassin in ancient Egypt. But I'm pretty sure everyone has those moments, it's a normal thing. Let's be honest, how cool would it be to be a highly-trained assassin that takes down corrupt pharaohs? SO cool. 

I'm not a nerd, stop thinking that. Oh, and we got out of the church just fine. We were waiting for an investigator to show up for an interview, and the other Elders brought him with them. 

In other news, we're working with a family to get them married and baptized. Maybe here in a week we can get them hitched. Here in Brazil, marriages are WAY more complicated. If you want to get legally married here, there's only one place to do it. It's a little government building that's a lot like a DMV, except you can only use it one day every 2 months if you wanna get married. We're REALLY hoping this family gets there this next week!

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

More than Neville loves Herbology:)

Elder Daniel Reneer

July 22, 2013

Bahahahah I'm eating enough, don't worry! Your dream is just trying to make me look bad. As a matter of fact, I'm eating more nowadays than I have at any other point in my life. In all seriousness, I might actually be at risk for getting fat before the end of the mission. In fact, I think I might get so fat that I'm gonna need a name change. In Portuguese, you add the suffix -zão to a word if you want to emphasize how grand or incredibly large something is. So in my case, considering that there's a chance of me being exactly that (grand and incredibly large), I'm going to go by Danielzão. 

And speaking of dreams, I had a dream that I came home and you guys had gotten rid of Sasha. Man, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but you guys had gotten a weiner dog in her place. Just don't do that. That's like leaving a new box of Fruit Gushers in the pantry and coming back to find an empty box and wrappers, just to give you a rough idea of the stress. Or better yet, like when you used to pull a fresh sheet of cookies out of the oven, and I would have to go do something or another for a minute, and then going back to grab some cookies, finding dad finishing off the last few and chuckling at my dirty looks.

Like seriously, if the goings get rough with Sasha, go watch Marley and Me, and that'll really help you guys to stay strong with her. ;)

As far as news goes out here, not a whole lot of new stuff to report, I didn't even really get any good pictures, but next week I should have some:)

I LOVE YOU MOM! AND EVERYBODY ELSE!

More than dad loves mom's cookies ;)

-Elder Daniel Reneer

July 15, 2013

So far this new area I'm in is AWESOME! I love it!

I took a picture (below) of one of the areas we work, it's called a grota in Portuguese, and I think it might be gorge in English...? It's got some KILLER stairs running through every part of the area like veins, there's really not much of a pattern, and if you're not paying attention, you can actually get hopelessly lost! How cool is that? 

This week we taught a mission prep class in the church, and I nabbed a good picture of everyone, and the other photo...well, that's a classic Brazilian Catholic church, I finally got a picture I've been wanting my whole mission. While in South America, you really gotta take advantage of legitimate photo opportunites. And seriously, there are few things more authentic in South America than soccer, beans and rice, and the Catholic church, so you gotta get after those photos. This is neither a stereotype or a joke. Kinda. I just kinda feel like a failure because it took me so long to get such an essencial picture.

OH ALSO I just thought that you guys should all know, in important news, that I'm considering asking the mission presidente for a mission extension. CONSIDERING. Just wanted you guys to know so that it's not such a surprise if I decide to stay a little longer on the mission. In fact, I think I might actually just turn my papers in again for another mission when I get home. I already got a year down, I think I can handle another three!

No, just kidding, but seriously, I might ask for an extra transfer on the mission, we'll see.

Oh, and send me a bunch more pictures of the family in the next emails, just whatever pictures you want to send! I still gotta fill my photo album!

BYE I LOVE YOU!

More than Han Solo loves Chewbacca :)

Elder Daniel Reneer

July 8, 2013

SO we're getting to that point on the mission now where I'm about to hit the summit and start down the other half of the mountain, WOO! That's SO incredible to me that 3 days from now, a year will have already passed since I flew out of the United States. IT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT WASSOOOOO FAST. 

Also, I GOT THE PACKAGE YOU GUYS SENT! Dude, I was SO happy when I got it, it's been a long time without letters or anything from family...hint, hint...

Actually, let's be honest here, and skip hints. I'm just dying for letters now. DUDE I'M LITERALLY DYING. HELP ME. I love to write letters, but you know it's just kinda gotten to that point where things have cooled down on the receiving side. Dude, if I could compare this to a relationship, it wouldn't be too pretty. At this point in the relationship, we've already had a really good start. I wrote poems for her, she made cookies for me...and when we went out to eat at McDonald's we had fights over who was going to pay the bill. Things were beautiful, and we were in love. It was give AND get! AGH! The beauty!

But something along the line happened. One day I snuck a cute and well thought-out poem into her messenger bag (which bag I also gave her on her birthday, it was an exclusive designer bag from Coach), and I waited, but she never said anything. On our 14-week anniversary, I sent her daffodils (the first time we told each other we liked each other, it was in a meadow of daffodils). But she never even called to say thank you. One night I tossed pebbles at her window (which is how we met), but her roommate (who is a lying snake) came to the window and said she was out at the movies, watching the new Avatar. But that just didn't sit right with me, because once when we went rollerblading together, she told me that she hated Steven Spielberg.

I started to get so worried and depressed that I stopped writing poetry, stopped worrying about texting, and I stopped going to pilates to get in shape for her. I stopped taking showers, started eating way too much ice cream and getting way too fat. 

I'm here to tell you right now, there's a solid probability that I'm gonna start turning into an emotionally unstable, smelly and large sort of person of I go too much longer without getting more letters. I'm not here to like, beg for letters or anything, because that's kind of pitiful and no one wants to write that sort of missionary, anyways. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE WRITE ME LIKE, SOON.

Love you guys:)

No, but in all seriousness, like, put my address up on facebook and tell people to get off their fannies and write a desperate missionary in their free time. Like, seriously. Feel free to quote me on that one:) Also if you do that, make sure to also write that whoever writes me, I'll write them a cute and well thought-out poem in return;)

But aside from all this ridiculous needy missionary stuff, things are going good here, WAY good! My companion (who I got a picture with finally, below) is awesome, and we're getting things done. We've also dominated the package you sent me, already made the muffins, ate all the candy, and wore all the clothes. Ah, I love packages.

AND I LOVE YOU MORE!

BYE!

-Elder Daniel Reneer

July 1, 2013

So first off I just wanted to say that I'm SO FETCHING HAPPY, congratulations to Meghan for surviving another childbirth! DUDE, Meghan, you're the man! Seriously! The only thing I got a little down about was that he didn't end up being Daniel Izac Christensen;)

So first off in news, in order of importance... the TRANSFER. So now I'm in Maceió, the other major city in the mission. I'm in an area called Jacintinho (like ja-see-CHEEN-yo), and so far it's awesome! My new companion is Elder Albuquerque, a Brazilian from São Paulo, who's got a year and 7 months on the mission, and we're the zone leaders of our area. Dude, when the President called me to be a zone leader, I kinda was a bit in shock, because of the way they announce the transfers here. They don't give any sort of heads up about the new area or companion, so when the new companionships were announced, I was just a little dazed. But things are really going good now, I'm really liking the work in the new area with the new companion. 

These last few weeks things have been pretty intense! This region of Brazil has been partying hard this whole last month, because June is filled with holidays and parties, and they also just finished playing for the World Confederations Cup in soccer, which Brazil won last night. Here it's been way intense, because they are really faithful partiers here (you can kinda see that by the look of our street at night in the picture I took...there's a party pavilion and bonfire in the middle of the street). Here the people have firework bombs that they just kinda toss around whenever there's a party going on. In fact, they just kinda toss these bombs around whenever there's really no particular holiday too, just for whatever, it's all good here. Brazil just made a goal in soccer? Go toss a bomb in the street. Neighbor just invited you to their barbeque? Chuck a bomb into the street. Just saw a kid help an old lady cross the street?Just realized that you're not dead yet? Just remembered that you don't have leprosy or any other deadly plague? Take a moment to let your euphoria out, and throw a bomb in the street! Dude, it's seriously contagious, the excitement this people has for life. I LOVE IT.

It's just that, last week, I was walking with Elder Roper, and Brazil made a goal, so someone took advantage of the opportunity to throw an ENORMOUS bomb behind us in the street, and it almost knocked us on our faces. DUDE they're crazy out here. But I LOVE it!

Well that's all for the moment now, I'm just still awaiting the package you sent, I should get it this week.

Ah! Also...

This week's Brazilian first: I ate a chicken foot. Yeah! And I didn't even vomit!

Love you guys more than dogs love bums :)

Elder Daniel Reneer

June 24, 2013

So looks like I've just got a little bit of time to drop you guys a quick message, because things have been nuts with the transfer, especially since today was one of Brazil's biggest holidays...and ALL the cyber cafes were shut down for the day. Next week I'll be able to send you some good photos. ANNNNNND the transfer...looks like I'll be getting transferred to Maceió, so tonight at 2:00AM I'll be grabbing a taxi to grab the transfer bus there. I'm excited because it's my first transfer outside of this state Sergipe, and now I'm gonna be in Alagoas. 

That's all I've really got time for, so just know I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Love,

Elder Daniel Reneer

June 17, 2013

This week has been an AWESOME one! And it's already passed and brought the beginning of the last week of the transfer!

And dude...DUDE. We had another BAPTSIM this week!  Her name is Laiane and we met her 2 and 1/2 weeks ago, and she's a super-good girl! It was really cool to teach her because she had a lot of direct, educated questions, sincere doubts and a lot of personal desire to know the truth of our message. We had to bend over backwards to get the baptism to happen, but she was excited and anxious when the hour of the baptism arrived. She wasn't actually totally sure about the baptism until the DAY of the baptism... when she told me about a really incredible and personal confirmation she had received about it. Really, truly amazing miracles are happening with these people preparing for baptism, things that really never happened to me before the mission. 

Well, in somewhat sadder news, it looks like my long-lived stay here in Soledade is coming to a close. It's already been 5 months that I'm here in the area/ward, and I'm 95% sure I'm getting transferred this coming week. It's been way cool, because I've gotten to know everyone in the ward really well and seen progress in the growth of the ward. Today one of the sisters in the ward made a "farewell banquet" for us, so that means...that means we didn't have to cook on our day off! YEAHHHH! :)

I'm super excited to hear that things are going well out there, you guys just gotta keep doing what you're doing! Just keep being so exquisitely delightful, okay?

I LOVE YOU.

-Elder Reneer

June 10, 2013

DUDE this week has been intense, just a LOT of work, but fortunately, it's the kind of wok I like doing. We just spent the last 7 days in search of new investigators, spent every day just talking to people on the street, knocking doors, and the like. It's been SUPER good, because now we've got a solid teaching pool, and a bunch of people marked for baptism. Now, the only thing I'm kinda down about is that I'm not gonna be in this area to see these people baptized...the TRANSFER is coming! 2 weeks! And I'm most likely going to see maybe only 2 or 3 of these people baptized that we found...and I'll be shipped off to another area.

 

Well, besides that, things are going really well here. I'm healthy, and I'm happy. And I only get trunky when I dream about home. I think one of my trunkiest dreams was last night... another one of those dreams where l'm back home. And sometimes I feel like maybe my dreams could be like, warnings. For example, last night I dreamed that I came back home, and I was way excited to have a throw-down with Sasha. But when I found her, she had been bleached white, because mom had accidentally put bleach in her bath, and so she was all ugly and weird-looking. I was TICKED. Dude, I woke up and I was still ticked. So yeah, Mom. Don't do that. Don't get on my bad side and dye my dog before I get home. This stuff happens, so you really gotta pay attention to avoid it. ;)

ALSO I'm SUPER excited to get my package! Hope it gets here soon... I think I'm starting to move to the missionary-desperate-for-mail-from-home phase of the mission, so yeah... chaces I'll start crying now if I don't get mail at the mission conferences and mettings, and everyone else has some. But you know, I'll be okay, getting no mail builds character, toughens a person up.

 

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

At LEAST as much as Darth Vader loves his Storm Troopers;)

 

BYE!

Elder Daniel Reneer

June 3, 2013

So...my weekly opportunity to communicate in English is here...ahhhh, what a relief:) Even better that it also happens to be me weekly opportunity to communicate with my family, yes? Dude, two awesome things landing on the same day of the week, at the same time...that almost never happens. I'm pretty sure the only other thing that comes close is when you meet a pretty girl AND she likes you (technically that is a bad thing if you're on the mission...). But, seeing as that pretty girls generally never like me, I'm just gonna stick with talking to my family. You guys are the only pretty people that ever liked me :(

So this last week we didn't have a baptism, but we've got an investigator that could be baptized this Saturday, so we're gonna get after her this week!

The work is going super-well, we worked this whole last week to find new people to teach, and ended up marking 6 baptisms (that doesn't mean the baptisms are actually gonna HAPPEN, but it means they're willing to try!), even though I've been having a bit of trouble getting around with my foot this week. I got a dag'gum blister that's been killing me, and it's a little nasty, but it's getting better. I'll send you a picture sometime ;)

So I finally lived a dream I've had for a long time, or at least since I got my call to serve in Brazil. I've had the urge for a long time to take a jog through the Brazilian jungle, so Elder Roper and I went hiking/jogging up a foothill covered in brush. You know, it wasn't exaclty...not precisely... living my dream, because it wasn't exactly a jungle. In fact, it was really just a hill covered in gigantic weeds with a tree here and there, but honestly I'll settle for a little less. If you kinda just use your imagination a little bit, it's kinda a rainforest. It didn't have parrots or gorillas or panthers or any of that jazz, but there were defintiely some massive rats, lots of bugs, and I think I even saw a vulture at one point.

It's not exaaaactly checking one off the bucket list, but I can deal with it.

I love you guys!! And actually, I love you a lot more than zits love faces. They may be really close, but we're way tighter than that. You big 'ole bunch of whities are my tightest buds...you guys are definitely my tighty whities;)

BYE!

-Elder Daniel Reneer

May 28, 2013

So, if brief news (time is short today), our district boundaries got changed! No more Sisters:(...I was actually kinda getting to the point where I didn't wee myself every time I had to speak in front of them during out district meetings!

Now it's just four of us...Me, Elder Roper, Elder Numbers (born in Bountiful, Utah), and Elder Canuto (from Manaus, in the middle of the Amazons).

This last week was AWESOME! We've been helping a less-active family get involved in the Church again, and we got to see their daughter baptized this last week (by her uncle in the picture), and now we just need to get the Priesthood for Elison, her dad, and callings in the church. They're an awesome family! 

This week the time's a little short...but just remember, this email's size is inversely proportional to the size of my love for all of you. I love you all at LEAST as much as Hitler loved his Nazis. At the VERY least. But personally, I think our relationship's a little better than that, because I still haven't made you sing songs about me, or made you persecute anyone, or made you respect my delightfully well-trimmed moustache.

Yet.:)

I LOVE YOU.

BYE!

Elder Daniel Reneer

May 20, 2013

Honestly, these days I have moments every now and then where my brain kind of...tweaks out, and I think..."What in the blue blazes, I'm in a dag' gum different country, speaking some sort of blinkin' gibberish language, working in church clothes 'til I'm a scummy little sweat puddle every day." Dude, honestly, I don't know what happened. Either I'm crazy, or...or I'm going crazy. But you know, it's a good kind of crazy, because even though I'm living in an alternate reality that messes with my head, I'm very happy about it. I tend to imagine I have a lot in common with Tarzan in that way. Turns out that we both came from other worlds and were thrown into the rainforest, and had to learn a language that uses a lot more body language, grunting and chest beating, and on the rare occasion that we meet someone that speaks english, we have a series of panic attacks, flashbacks, and get seriously obsessed with beating on everyone until we find the next boat back home.

But I'm just kidding, I'm not trunky. I haven't even thought about finding a boat to go back home. But that's because flights are way faster, cheaper and more comfortable. But seriously, I'm not trunky. I haven't even thought about going home today like, more than twice. I haven't even cried yet. Today.

Just kidding again:)

Things are going well, I'm super happy with how things are going here, and nothing much has happened this last week to report. I'll have some spectacular story next week to relate, don't worry.

I LOVE YOU!

SO MUCH!

SO MUCH!

Love, 

Elder Daniel Reneer

May 13, 2013

Well, unfortunately it's not gonna work out real well to send a nice-sized email to you today, but I'm throwing in some photos, one of our baptism,Nazareno, and one of our mornings of baptismal font filling.

It was AWESOME to talk to you on Saturday! You guys are my favorite bunch of tighty whities;)

I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH!

Like a leech loves soft epidermis:)

Elder Reneer:)

May 6, 2013

So this last week has been pretty AWESOME! Last Saturday we had a baptism that wrapped up a complete family baptized in the Church. We had baptized Joaldo and Angelica a while back, and this last week, their daughter Alice who finally warmed up to baptism. It was so cool for me, because Joaldo used to go out and drink with family and friends, left all alcohol behind, was baptized and then was ordained a priest and baptized Alice. YEAH!! I love it when this stuff happens!

This week we've got a solid baptism marked for a man named Nazarene, 58 years old, who's super-enthused to get involved in the church. He said he's already been involved in various churches, but really felt something completely different about ours. 12 years ago, missionaries had left a Book of Mormon with him, and when we found him knocking doors, was already ready to be baptized. YEAH!

So things are going good out here. Other than being involved in the work of the Lord, things are actually pretty normal. Well, normal...minus the Portuguese...and Brazil...and being the only white people here.

I've just had an issue lately with my hair, you know...not the baldness, but it's just that my hair is so fine, that gel doesn't work right with it, and leaving it without gel, people stare at my head like there's a dead, fine-haired balding cat on my head. Basically, it's just messy if I leave it be. My dilemma is that the only thing that works with my hair is hair spray. Agh. And EVERYONE knows that only women, and men that like to watch Oprah and drive Smart Cars use hair spray. So, as you might be able to see, there's NO way I'm going to walk into a store and buy hairspray, because there's NO way I want people thinking of me as an Oprah fan, or a Smart Car lover. I'm just gonna have to stick with this thin-haired and balding cat on my head.

Okay, BYE NOW! See you next week!

LOVE

Elder Daniel Reneer

April 29, 2013

So, in the last week something kind of incredible has happened here. 

About a week ago, it started raining EVERY day. EVERY day. And I don't know what the heck is happening. Since arriving in the mission field, it's only rained about 7 or 8 times here, in the 7 or 8 months I've been out here. I honestly had begun to think that this part of Brazil was some sort of desert, crushing my dreams of a Brazilian rain-forest mission experience. All this drought business was really starting to get me down. You see, there's a well-known law of rain-physics out here in the Brazilian mission field that had been bothering me a bit, it's the one that states, "The more it rains, the more beautiful your future wife becomes." There's also that law, "Harder you work, the hotter your wife." But that one's a bit more controversial, we'll get to that one later.

Thing is, this law states that the more rain you take on, the more attractive your future wife will become. Not BE, but beCOME. If you research the word 'become' in the dictionary, you would find: "To change; to develop from one state to another; to progress, if you're lucky, in a good direction, for example, "I hope that I do not become like a large blubbery and beached whale; I hope to become more like an athletic and fit creature, like a kangaroo, or a ferret, or possibly a salmon."" According to the wording of the law of rain-physics of the mission, I already have a pre-designated wife, and according to the dictionary citation, she is 'becoming' more beautiful the more it rains on me. So basically, at the beginning of the mission, every missionary has an empty hypothetical status bar that means that his wife, who is out there in the world somewhere, is, for the time being, butt-ugly.

The thing is, no one really notices this phenomenon, because it's very gradual. It takes two years the rain to take its effect, so people don't usually notice when these said future wives, who may be lacking in any sort of beauty, be it physical, spiritual, financial, muscular, respiratorial or digentional. But nevertheless, you can see how I might have been a little worried at the start of the mission, because I hardly ever saw a drop of rain. My poor future wife has been ugly for these first 9 months of my mission, without things getting any better. But there's still hope for her yet, there's a lot of rain to come it looks like, and there's still a lot of time for her lungs to become much more well-formed and attractive, among the other attributes (fingers crossed).

But other than the increase in rain, there's nota lot to report:) I'll have some good photos next week, we're going to have another baptism this week!

And let's mark 2 PM my time for our Skype call, on the day before Mothers' Day.

Good?

Good.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

BYE!

-Elder Reneer

April 22, 2013

In Brasil, nobody really knows how to say my name right. In Portuguese, they don't have the 'R' sound that English has, and so they end up making an "H" sound instead. So on an hourly basis, I'm constantly being brainwashed to respond to "Henneh," instead of Reneer. By the time I get back home, every time someone talks about getting a henna tattoo, or talks about Hannah (Montana), or anything other item of gross teenage fads that sounds like "Henneh," I guarantee I'm gonna whip my head around to see who's talking about me. Nobody ever says anything good about Hannah Montana or henna tattoos, only stuff like, "That's the ugliest henna I've ever seen! Some handicapped person must have made it," or "Did you hear that Hannah's dating a drug trafficker??" or like, "Dude, if that henna ever touched my skin, I would have to shower for hours to get it's silly smell off me." So I can guarantee we're gonna end up with a serious misunderstanding, and I'm gonna have a strongly worded chat with the gossiping hoodlums.

But in GOOD NEWS I and Elder Roper had our first baptism this last week! Her name is Thais Silva, and has already been faithfully going to seminary for two months. I even managed to get some pictures of the baptism, with me in my cute jumpsuit! It was so cool to have my first baptism as senior companion!

I also threw in a picture of  yesterday's lunch in members' house, where I got to make cashew juice. The stuff is soooo good! The name can be misleading, because cashew is actually the name of the fruit that the nut we all hold beloved belongs to. It's SO good!

So in the course of proselyting and meeting new people every day, I've had many opportunities to meet relatives of investigators. I love meeting new people, but the only problem with this is that every time I meet a woman (for some reason this ONLY happens with women) I occasionally estimate their age wrong, like 3 years, or 5 years, or sometimes about 40 years off. It's an awful habit that's developed, that I make the mistake of asking these new and generally female people, questions like, "So Misses, you would be Anna's....what, older sister?" "No, I'm the youngest." "Oh yeah, I'm seeing it now!"

Or another example, "So Misses, you oughta be David's...daughter?" "No, I'm his wife." "Aw...oh...yes, okay well that's great! I like your house!" (cleverly insert strategically distracting comment)

Or another, the other day, "So you oughta be Anna's what... mother?" "No, I'm her sister." "Oh, so you're the older sister?" "No, I'm the youngest" "Aw... well, but... you...(brain now working furiously to find way out, not being able to dig myself out, then strategically distracting her with meaningful well-planned compliment) oh...well neat! That's a great bracelet you have!"

So I'm repenting of this ill-bred habit, so I'll hopefully be able to actually get some good graces with the female race out here. Why does this only happen with females? Bah.

But other than that, things are going good, I'm happy, and helathy, and it's currently pouring outside.

Make sure you throw in some Old Spice in the next shipment! Help me keep me nice and good-smelly :)

LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH!

Elder Daniel Reneer

April 15, 2013

Things are going spectacularly here in Aracaju, can't complain :)

I don't know if you picked this up in my last email home when I sent a photo of my district, but as it turned out this transfer, I'm district leader...of a district of Sisters. At the time I sent the photo, it was only 4 sisters, but now it's increased to 7, and soon to be 10. Thing about district leader is you have to be really supportive and helpful to everyone, and also likeable, ESPECIALLY with the sisters, because if you do anything wrong or rub anyone the wrong way, the district will tell the mission president. And in the words of the mission president, "Elder Reneer, the elders, they almost never say anything bad about their leaders. But the sisters...the sisters will never hesitate to say everything about you."

So after some more comforting words from the president like these, I brainstormed on all the things I could do to win over the district, so that they would not have any reason to say anything bad about me, like how my increasingly large forehead has a certain lack of hair presence, or how I have a wee little mole above my upper lip, or how when I get up to talk in front of them I tremble and wee my pants a little bit because I'm scared of all the estrogen in the room. The ONLY force I came up with that's potent enough to stifle the super-estrogenic destructive powers of the sisters was momma's cookies recipe. All I have to do is make the cookies and bring them the the district meetings, and as soon as they arrive, the sisters get so distracted with how pretty and tasty the cookies are, they don't even pay attention to my stress-balded head or my trembling and weeing. Thanks mom for teaching me how to make those cookies, they're a life-saver!

So I just wanted to set aside a little time in this email to commemorate a happy NINE MONTHS IN BRAZIL WITHOUT GETTING ROBBED! YEAH! You know, everyone's always so worried about missionaries getting robbed, whatever part of the world they might be in. But honestly I think the one strong trait I have going for me in the business of robbery avoidance in my sweat factor. Being an American can be a huge advantage, because we sweat at least 3.25X more than the native population of Brazil. What I imagine generally goes through the heads of people that take a look at me, wondering if they can acheive a robbery-attack-thievery with me, take one look at my American sweat factor of 325% of normal sweatiness, and decide that there's no way they would be able to grab me securely enough without my super-sweat soaking their pick-pocketing hands like a bar of soap and then slipping in my sweat-puddle trail and falling to the ground. And once they hit the ground, it's all over, all I have to do to scare them off is give 'em a little Sweat Willy (it's like a Wet Willy, but the sweat version), and they lose all desire whatsoever to rob any American of any sort. So anyways, before I get too off track, I would just like to commemorate a happy 9 MONTHS IN BRAZIL WITHOUT GETTING ROBBED!

I don't know if you already noticed, but I managed to atttatch a picture of our freezer as it currently is. What happens is that when I wake up every morning, I stuff my pillow into grocery bags(to keep it dry) and I stuff it in the freezer so it's so beautifully frozen and cold when I go to bed at night. It's not exactly first-class air conditioning, but it'll do for the time being in Brasil.

I love you all so incredibly much:)

Elder Daniel Reneer

April 8, 2013

Well this week has been pretty delightful, there's not a whole lot of new things to tell, other than I'm SUPER EXCITED for my first upcoming baptisms as senior companion. SO EXCITED!

This last p-day we went up to the famous hill that's in our area and frolicked and played, and I got some more pictures in for you there:)

I did a little break dance ditty called a 'freeze' with Elder Ralph, who arrived in the CTM with me, and goes to BYU. We're going to do some further frolicking and shenanigans when we return.

Something I've discovered while here is that there are a lot of people that like it when I say things in English, especially when I talk in strong scottish accent, quote Harry Potter of Lord of the Rings movies, or when I throw down a sick rap. Probably my biggest crowd-pleaser currently is the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire Rap, which never fails to get a stiff crowd of goobers excited. They have absolutely NO idea what I'm saying, but they absolutely ADORE it when I sing it.

This week the letter's a little short, but I'm sending more letters your way:)

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU!!

SO MUCH.

BYE!

Elder Daniel Reneer

This photo below was one I took on the way to our zone meeting this last week. We got hit with a quick and heavy storm shower that poured water out onto Soledade's not-so-efficient street drainage system, and it ended up flooding the city in patches, like this one street corner we almost had to get a boat to cross:)

April 1, 2013

Hey my beloved family and friends!

By the way, in the Prescott Valley ward there should be a couple by the name of Linda and Jim Cox, and every month since November they've been sending my letters from AZ. Will you please tell thank you? It may be a while before I can write them...I'm currently owing some 6 or 7 letters...

Training Elder Roper has been going along pretty smoothly, and this week has been verrrrry different from the rest of the mission, with adjusting the way we work here. Fortunately for me, Portuguese isn't an obstacle anymore, I'm pretty comfortable with the language now (praises and blessins). Generally speaking, the only time I have trouble with the language is when I try to tell jokes (which is a highly refined art, tough in another language), make a improv rap, or cuss someone out. I don't have a lot of practice in those areas generally, because I have to focus on scriptures and preaching and being kind and all that jazz. It's generally only in places like prisons and oil rigs where I feel out of place, where at any moment someone could challenge me to a rap battle or start a diss fight, or have to tell someone to get out of my space like, "Hey, you blubbering whisker ball, get your flubbery form out of my face, you lousy limp noodle!" My only weak points.

Elder Roper is getting there too, step by step. :)

But I gotta head to lunch. Hope you like this week's nerd photos :) More to come soon! Also got another Brasilian First! My first kiss from a parrot!

LOVE YOU MORE THAN FAT CHILDREN LOVE CAKE!

-Elder Daniel Reneer

Also forgot to mention that I slid in a photo of our district, us and the sisters!

March 25, 2013

So, I won't lie, I LOVED the pictures! Thanks for sending them my way! SO PROUD of Jacob for destROYING the Pinewood Derby! That's so sweet! With every news of that boy, I get the growing feeling that he's seriously going to be at least 2X better of a human being than me. The best I got in the Pinewood was 2nd place, and that was with the extensive help dad gave me. Jacob made his own car...? That was my understanding, and smoked everyone. And so, using logical numerical math analysis, we can see that if you place 1st place above 2nd you get a 1/2. So using further deepened numerical observationalists, we can see that 1/2 is a clear indicator of 0.5, which is a half of 1, which is what Jacob is.

Using this logic in further application, we can further assume that by the time he has reached my current age, he will have had twice as many girlfriends, and earned twice as much money. He will also have gained 2X as many trophies, have 2X as much hair (which at this point looks like I'm not going to be much competition for him), and he will also be 2X as big, topping 360 pounds, give or take a few. He will also have 2X as many diseases, speech impediments, and roughly 2X as many crimes on his permanent record. In his case, although he's going to have some rough times, he'll always have the good times to fall back on...which are probably going to be twice as good.

But I'm getting distracted here. In Brasil, here in the city of Aracaju, things are going well. We're starting over on a new leaf in the area, because now I have a new companion, whom I am training. He's way cool! His name is Elder Roper, and he's from Phoenix! We're already making plans to play after the mission. He had problems with his Visa, so he arrived in the middle of the transfer. But he's way cool, he's super willing to go out and work, and he's learning Portuguese from the ground up right now (so it's kinda tough for him!). So, that makes 2 people in this companionship that don't know how to speak Portuguese. :)

I'll be honest, my favorite part of the week was getting to know the new arrivals, the americans that were stuck in the States waiting for their Visas to clear. There were four of them, and all 8 of us, trainers and trainees bunked up for a couple days in Maceió getting briefed by the mission president. In the apartment where we spent the night, all the new Americans were admiring how everything was different, making all sorts of commentary and questions, all super wide-eyed and eager to learn more. At one point in the night, one of the Elders ran squealing from the bathroom and shouted excitedly, "Oh man, guys! I had my first cockroach experience!" Ah man, I love this training stuff :)

Hope you guys like the pictures I'm sending! THANK YOU for the letters and pictures, I LOVED them! Got a few pictures in with different companions, and my first night with Elder Roper.

ALRIGHT I LOVE YOU ALL SO EXQUISITELY. GOOD DAY!

Love,

Elder Reneer

(The balder Elder Reneer)

(This one made us laugh when we finally understood the reference.)