Declaration of Proceedings in the municipal district, Lagarto, Sergipe, Brazil, with regards to the reputable Daniel Reneer, the which possessing the title "Elder":
WOOOOO things have been flying by like crazy the past couple weeks. NEW COMPANION, Elder Silveira. He's WAY chill, easy to get along with, obedient, and likes to GO to WORK. He's legit!
A couple weeks ago I wanted to tell you about another "Brazilian first" that I forgot to tell you previously, when I was still with Elder Marques. At some point a while back, we were tidying up the house, getting things in order, making the house acceptably sanitary. When we were cleaning, Elder Marques called something to my attention. He was cleaning one of the bigger windows in the house, and he called me over. He pointed to the window and said, "Hey, you see that little green bug outside on the window?" "Yeah, I see it, why?" "Do you know what he does?" "...No." "First of all, don't let him get near you, because he'll bite you, burrow into the bite, and poop in the hole." "....Oh, so like, I'll itch really bad if he does that, or what?" "Yes." Okay, so at this point, I was a little concerned, and I didn't want to seem like an awe-struck stereotypical american tourist, so I think I just said something like, "Oh, well they have bugs a lot like that in the United States, they're tiny and they itch like crazy, they're called chiggers" Okay cool, mission accomplished, I masked my fear of being pooped in with a slighly belittling comment. And then Elder Marques looked at me and said, "Oh, and their poop spreads through your bloodstream and makes holes in your heart, too? I know of people that died from them." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THEY DON'T HAVE THAT IN THE UNITED STATES. I am almost absolutely sure that literally leathal poop does not exist...or, at least it doesn't exist in the form of an easily camoulflaged, leaf-shaped flying insect. You know, it really wouldn't be THAT bad of a way to go, getting bitten by an insect and dying, you would at LEAST have an exotic death story to tell people when you're hanging out with other dead people in the next life. It's not even that embarrassing..."Aw man, you wouldn't belIEVE how I got KO'd last life, man! I was down in Brasil, and some spider bit me, and I died in four minutes! It was way quick, didn't know what hit me! Or what bit me! Haha! Get it?"
Pretty decent story, right? But if you're bitten by the flying poop-death leafbug, you get to say, "Dude...I don't know...I was just, tidying up my house, when a leaf-bug bit me and..." "Aw, wait, stop right there man, you were bitten by...a what?" Then a few seconds of hesitation and, "A leaf bug..." "Oh, alright man, that's cool...keep going." "Okay, so yeah, he, sort of bit me, I think and then... well and then...well he kinda poodmeennee..." (mumbling off, embarrassed) "Huh? He poodelineed? What's that?" "No, he uh, pooed...in me. And then I just kind of, passed out, and died..." I've been thinking about my ideal death story for a while now, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want it to include a flying pooping leaf. I want it to be...believable you know?
So, I'm loving the branch here, and I'm loving the work, it's all going pretty good. I'm pretty comfortable witht the language now, which is a HUGE relief, and things are going a lot smoother because of it. The branch is kinda funny, actually, because there are a lot of different people to fill it. There's one sister that's there every week with her 5 year-old son, who acts a lot like Jacob used to at about 3 or 4 years old, a crazy, cooky little bouncy guy. And he's actually not too bad in the meetings, as long as his momma's around. Only, he has problems with keeping his clothes all on, and reliably every Sunday, by the third hour in Sacrament meeting, he's lost his shirt, and he's running around all the pews in circles and shouting. But besides that, the branch is pretty tame. That is, it should be, until the little boy grows up, passes through puberty, reaches adulthood and is still running around screaming in Sacrament with his shirt off and his momma laughing at him. Some say tigers can't change their stripes, so I'm pretty eager to test out that theory on this little guy.
HEY SO I LOVE YOU! Keep sending me photos of the family, I love them. And you really should take a lot more, for tons of reasons! One of them is me :) I only have a few pictures of the family to show people. Hope you like my weekly photo, I'm getting really thoroughly culturized to the free Brazil spirit.
OKAY BYE AND SO MUCH LOVE.
Elder Daniel Reneer
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