December 24, 2012

Alright I'm REALLY preparing myself to be bald. I've just kinda started disassociating my hair with all my future plans, abandoning all my future dreams that my hair accompanies, like my wife stroking my hair softly as she sings me to sleep on restless nights... or jovial conversations with barbers when I go to get my hair cut... or propping my little toddler son up on my shoulders on the way to church, wincing tolerantly, as my wife stifles the laughter as she watches him pull at my hair and squeal in delight, slobbering all over my healthy cap of hair. *Sigh*... I've decided that I need something to fill in that future...lack of memorable experiences with the top of my head, so I'm going to cope by going into hat modeling, where the only hair I need is eyebrow hair, which I've got plenty of. Daggonit, goodbye my beloved hair, I'll see ya again in the wink of an eye, in the resurrection.

So, this week has been pretty dang good, even though I've spent the week waiting for the SKYPE CALL THAT'S TODAY! An hour of seeing your beautiful shining beloved faces is gonna do some good for the soul. 

I reached an AWESOME milestone a couple weeks ago during a lesson with Elder Silveira. After introductions, and a wee bit into the conversation, E. Silveira asked where the investigators thought we were from. They guessed his homeland alright, way down south in Brasil, and then they tried to guess where I was from. It's something I've gotten pretty used to. The first guess is usually, "GERMANY, GERMANY!" which I still haven't figured out. The second is, "Uhhhh...you're pretty white, so...United States? Are you American?" But this time, I waited patiently for them to swell in excitement in the hope of me being German, when the investigator cocked her head, and guessed politely, "You seem like you're from Portugal, are you from there?" AND I ALMOST PEED MY PANTS BECAUSE THAT WAS A REALLY COOL THING TO ASK ME BECAUSE THAT MEANS I SPEAK PORTUGUESE AT A SLIGHTLY HIGHER LEVEL THAN AN 11 YEAR OLD THAT SPEAKS PORTUGUESE TOO, WHICH MEANS I DON'T SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH A MENTAL DEFICIENCY WHEN I SPEAK ANYMORE!! Turns out though, that Brasilians don't generally like the Portugal accent, but I'm gonna cash that in as a compliment! 

The city Lagarto is doing well, too. It's always got stuff happening, even though it's considered a small town in Brazil (50,000 people). This last week, on Sunday, they had a BIG concert (at least, there were fliers from it lying everywhere in the city). Almost week for week, they have some popular Brazilian band or musician come into town, and there's reliably various parties afterwards. This last week's concert featured the talents of "The Colored Chicken(Galinha Pintadinha)" and Gummy Bear. Pretty cool, you know, a special concert especially for children, with a man-sized blue chicken and a 6-foot tall green bear. I didn't actually go, but I imagine it was pretty entertaining. 

Actually, it was probably EXTREMELY entertaining, and I wish I could have been there to watch the laws of children-mobs physics go into action. I belive a man that used to work at Disneyworld wrote a book about children-mobs physics, after having had much time to observe the laws in motion. My favorite that he wrote, and the most critic-acclaimed was, "The first law can best be seen in action during large gatherings of children, where large numbers are pre-existing. Upon a small number of children in the gathering seeing, spotting, smelling, hearing, or tasting any relatively man-sized, flourescently or otherwise highly colored character which generally contain hopeless, resigned and sweaty adults, will immediately commence to swarm said character, and finding him/her vulnerable, will begin to tear, kick, stab, beat, incinerate, shank, curb-stomp, karate-chop, power-ranger force blast, urinate upon, or decapitate said character, most frequently to the point of death." I personally think the man hit the head right on the nail, and if the first law of children-mobs physics has even the slightest shred of truth, I can guarantee that the Gummy Bear concert would have been like watching a horror movie, like Termite Bloodlust Swarm III. But unfortunately missionaries need to stay away from places they can't feel the Spirit, so I didn't go.

Okay, bye, see ya soon:)

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Elder Reneer

December 17, 2012

AND SO HERE I AM WRITING YOU, AND I'M LIKE, "OH MY, I'M GONNA SEE Y'ALL IN A WEEK!" Do you REALIZE what that means?? That means I'm gonna see you all in 7 DAYS. Do you REALIZE what that means? THAT MEAAANS that my EYES are going to be pointing in the direction of a planar surface screen of a computer that will be visually optically displaying YOUR FACES which will ALSO have EYES that will ALLLLSO be pointed in the direction of a planar display screen visualizer which will have MY likeness on it! THAT MEANS WE'LL BE LOOKING AT EACHOTHER! How NEAT is that? I declare that it is swell!

Declaration of Proceedings in the municipal district, Lagarto, Sergipe, Brazil, with regards to the reputable Daniel Reneer, the which possessing the title "Elder":

WOOOOO things have been flying by like crazy the past couple weeks. NEW COMPANION, Elder Silveira. He's WAY chill, easy to get along with, obedient, and likes to GO to WORK. He's legit!

A couple weeks ago I wanted to tell you about another "Brazilian first" that I forgot to tell you previously, when I was still with Elder Marques. At some point a while back, we were tidying up the house, getting things in order, making the house acceptably sanitary. When we were cleaning, Elder Marques called something to my attention. He was cleaning one of the bigger windows in the house, and he called me over. He pointed to the window and said, "Hey, you see that little green bug outside on the window?" "Yeah, I see it, why?" "Do you know what he does?" "...No." "First of all, don't let him get near you, because he'll bite you, burrow into the bite, and poop in the hole." "....Oh, so like, I'll itch really bad if he does that, or what?" "Yes." Okay, so at this point, I was a little concerned, and I didn't want to seem like an awe-struck stereotypical american tourist, so I think I just said something like, "Oh, well they have bugs a lot like that in the United States, they're tiny and they itch like crazy, they're called chiggers" Okay cool, mission accomplished, I masked my fear of being pooped in with a slighly belittling comment. And then Elder Marques looked at me and said, "Oh, and their poop spreads through your bloodstream and makes holes in your heart, too? I know of people that died from them." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THEY DON'T HAVE THAT IN THE UNITED STATES. I am almost absolutely sure that literally leathal poop does not exist...or, at least it doesn't exist in the form of an easily camoulflaged, leaf-shaped flying insect. You know, it really wouldn't be THAT bad of a way to go, getting bitten by an insect and dying, you would at LEAST have an exotic death story to tell people when you're hanging out with other dead people in the next life. It's not even that embarrassing..."Aw man, you wouldn't belIEVE how I got KO'd last life, man! I was down in Brasil, and some spider bit me, and I died in four minutes! It was way quick, didn't know what hit me! Or what bit me! Haha! Get it?"

Pretty decent story, right? But if you're bitten by the flying poop-death leafbug, you get to say, "Dude...I don't know...I was just, tidying up my house, when a leaf-bug bit me and..." "Aw, wait, stop right there man, you were bitten by...a what?" Then a few seconds of hesitation and, "A leaf bug..." "Oh, alright man, that's cool...keep going." "Okay, so yeah, he, sort of bit me, I think and then... well and then...well he kinda poodmeennee..." (mumbling off, embarrassed) "Huh? He poodelineed? What's that?" "No, he uh, pooed...in me. And then I just kind of, passed out, and died..." I've been thinking about my ideal death story for a while now, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want it to include a flying pooping leaf. I want it to be...believable you know?

So, I'm loving the branch here, and I'm loving the work, it's all going pretty good. I'm pretty comfortable witht the language now, which is a HUGE relief, and things are going a lot smoother because of it. The branch is kinda funny, actually, because there are a lot of different people to fill it. There's one sister that's there every week with her 5 year-old son, who acts a lot like Jacob used to at about 3 or 4 years old, a crazy, cooky little bouncy guy. And he's actually not too bad in the meetings, as long as his momma's around. Only, he has problems with keeping his clothes all on, and reliably every Sunday, by the third hour in Sacrament meeting, he's lost his shirt, and he's running around all the pews in circles and shouting. But besides that, the branch is pretty tame. That is, it should be, until the little boy grows up, passes through puberty, reaches adulthood and is still running around screaming in Sacrament with his shirt off and his momma laughing at him. Some say tigers can't change their stripes, so I'm pretty eager to test out that theory on this little guy.

HEY SO I LOVE YOU! Keep sending me photos of the family, I love them. And you really should take a lot more, for tons of reasons! One of them is me :) I only have a few pictures of the family to show people. Hope you like my weekly photo, I'm getting really thoroughly culturized to the free Brazil spirit.

OKAY BYE AND SO MUCH LOVE.

Elder Daniel Reneer

December 10, 2012

Just some more photos, I'm sending the written stuff in a bit here!

Not sure what order they'll be in, inrelation to the descriptions, so good luck:)

Me with some of the family at family night with members!

Baptism a couple weeks ago with Elder Marques! She's dating a member now, and they're gonna get married in the TEMPLE! YEAH!

Elder Pinto and I out on p-day at Lagarto's welcome sign!

And the some of the missionaries from the zone at CHURRASCO! (pronounced shoe-HAS-coo) Churrasco is SERIOUSLY the BEST restaurant style there is, it's like Tucano's, except WAY WAY BETTER. NEVER had meats this good in my life!

December 10, 2012, continued

Here's a few photos of the past couple weeks.

There's one of me with the LDS Church's biggest biceps (the man is literally walking biceps), at family night with members.

There's another of a "propaganda truck," a huge ad bus that drives around Lagarto all day, every day blasting ads through enormous speakers. There's something like 10 of them that drive around the city all day.

Also a special sign I found on the way to lunch with members the other day. "Proibido fazer xixi" means, "Prohibited to pee." Actually, literally it means "Prohibited to make pee," which is way harder to not do than not peeing. Cruel, huh? 

BYEE!

November 26, 2012

HEY!!! HEY, I JUST REALIZED HOW FAR THIS EMAIL HAS TO GO TO GET TO YOU IN THE UNITED STATES, AND YOU PROBABLY COULDN'T HEAR MY LAST EMAIL, SO I'M MAKING THIS EMAIL REALLY REALLY LOUD SO YOU CAN GET IT ALL UNDERSTOOD GOOD! HEY I LOVE YOU ALL!

So this week it seems I'm a little short on stories, so I'm writing you a poem to add to the email (it's in altered haiku prose, 6-10-6 syllables):

If you're eating chicken,

That means you're not killing anybody.

That means you're a good guy.

So vegetarians,

Don't get mad when you see chickens eaten,

Or else you're a bad guy.

-By Elder Prosemaster Reneer

The truth of this poem is based on the assumption that the chicken is already dead before getting eaten, or else the good guy is actually bad, and the vegetarian would definitely be justified in getting mad in that case.

This week has been a bit crazy, between baptismal services, traveling, conferences and the missionary work in general. I'm loving it, and time is flying by out here. With the mission conference we had with the President this last week, Elder Marques and I went to Aracaju to spend the night in a missionary apartment there (and I got to see a buddy from the MTC there!). The missionaries there are good guys, which generally means that the house there is protetced from...supernatural visits.I learned from some missionaries, that out here in the mission field that if you're not living the commandments, and you're serving a mission, then you lose the protection of guardian angels, LITERALLY. It's something you have to be worthy of. So, as is the unfortunate way with some misisonaries that fail to live up to church standards, they unwittingly invite malicious spirits into the house. Nuts, huh? Thing is, they can't do much, except scare you. Elder Marques said that the reason they come around (and Elder Marques's word is good as gold, to be honest), is because they despise the work of the Lord we're doing out here. Actually kinda cool, eh? Not that I WANT to see any of that. But anyways, with that background in mind, I've got a funny story...well, it's funny now, but I was kinda spooked, because I had heard some stories of things happening in many a missionary's house.

So during that night we spent in Aracaju, in ending the day, everybody got together, cooked dinner and ate, showered, went to bed, etc...And it was all good, it had been a good day. So, as I was TOTALLY knocked out on the mattress, happily asleep, when at about 2am I woke up fast when....WHAM! I head a door somewhere in the house SLAM shut, and I woke up instantly, eyes wide open (thing is, I didn't know that it was acutally the neighbor's door). So I was just lying in bed, wide awake now, thinking..."Awww man, this is what they were talking about...spirits doing stuff in the house...aww man..." And so I started analyzing how a spirit might have made it into the house, if one of the misisonaries wasn't keeping the commandments, or whatever. After a little while I relaxed, started falling asleep maybe after 20-30 minutes, started to fall asleep when I heard one of the elder's radio turn itself on and start making a steady clicking sound, pretty loud, and BAM, wide awake again. So I didn't want to move, or do anything, so I waited, and watched as Elder Marques got up and took the battery out (ALSO turns out the radio had a hidden backup battery, and the radio does this all the time, I later learned), and went back to bed. After about another 20 minutes of trying to get myself relaxed enough for sleep, I started dozing off, and then...click click click click from the radio AGAIN (and you can imagine, without my knowledge of the self-starting radio with a backup battery...I was a bit wide-eyed). At THIS point, in my mind, I was without a doubt now that there was a spirit in the house, trying to mess with us. Elder Marques thought it was pretty weird too, but he went back to sleep just a couple minutes later, snoozing while I spent the next 40ish minutes trying to sleep.

SO. Moral of the story? Well, first of all, always sleep with like, a sword, nunchucks, or like a sweet trained spirit wolf that devours spirits from the unseen world, any one of those will generally keep evil away. I recently invested in a book filled with really bad jokes, so that if a spirit comes into the house, I'll just start reading some to him, to make him be like, "Oh Jimmeny Cricket, why am I wasting my time here, this elder stinks, he's already hopeless, can't even crack a half-decent joke. I'm outta here, no way I'm gonna waste my time with this depressing wannabe." I'm personally pretty convinced this is the best method, because it's only limited by the range of the sound of my voice, so I could probably get at least 200-300 spirits to leave at a time, probably more if they start booing me or something like that.

Other than that, the last week has just flown by, and been awesome. We've ALSO baptized a couple more this week! So, in the last week, out of the 8 baptisms Elder Marques and I have gotten together, 5 have been in the last 2 1/2 weeks. It's awesome! And this week We baptized a 20 something year-old girl that's been dating a member of the church (they're gonna get married!), and he had been trying to get her ready to be baptized for a long time, because her family is full of opposed catholics. It was probably the happiest this I've seen on the mission, she was crying half the time, eerybody was smiling, it was SO COOL!

And I thought it appropriate to send you a photo of me getting ready to get the baptismal font clean, where I'll hopefully be every week of the mission (I hope!), and  photo of Elder Marques and I after the baptism.

LOVE YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!

BYE!

Elder Daniel Filledwithloveforyourightnow Reneer

November 19, 2012

This week has been pretty swell! Things have been pretty smooth-ish, as far as the work goes. We're teaching new people all the time, baptizing fairly consistently, and getting people to go to church, of their OWN FREE WILL! That means they're attending church without bribes (including cake, soda, or drawings of cartoons the kids like), guilt trips (Elder Marques specializes in this area), threats (eternal condemnation, holy fire from heaven, tickling them until they pee) or cons (telling them that a thief stole all their money and hid inside the Mormon church, for example). So I gotta say, I'm honestly pretty happy about that! 

One thing though, that I can't seem to escape out here is being swarmed by children, a fairly recently occurring phenomenon. It's kinda a good thing, but kinda not, since it's good that people (if only of a 3-4 foot tall nature)(excluding midgets) are enjoying the missionaries being around, but kinda bad since every once in a while things kind of "change ownership"... someone's (missionary's) pen gets stolen, a child here and a child there can be seen running away with a couple bucks in their hands that were in your pocket a moment before, or your backpack is all of a sudden on some 10 year-old's back that's now trying to sell it to his friend... or your shoes are now tied together, someone's just wrapped your tie around your eyes, and the swarm of children have started a game of, "Who Can Throw the Most Rocks at the American without Him Getting You." I guess I shouldn't make it sound like I'm complaining, because they're not too bad at the game. They usually give me a head start to run away, and stay at least 5 feet away. Also, they've got a limit on the rock size. I think it's like, only 10 Kilos, which I think is something like 10 ounces in American standard, so it's not like they're throwing boulders at me or anything painful like that. The only thing I don't like though, is that this happens quite a lot at church, where my backpack or nametag somehow end up with some little kid, who's managed to find my camera, too, and is outside taking photos of members of the church that I have to go through and delete (they're AWFUL photographers). So yeah! I guess you could say I'm learning what it's like to run an orphanage. 

GUESS WHAT?? This week I took a turn as SENIOR comp! Elder Marques went on splits in another area, so Elder Coon (trained with me in the MTC) and I covered mine and Elder Marques's area. And I learned that day that I have some mad dependency on Elder Marques's sense of direction. Thing about being Junior comp, is that you really don't have to sweat where you're going, because the Senior is guiding, generally. And so it turns out that I had almost NO idea where we were going, most of the day. So, we ended up walking about 15 miles that day, and it was intense! After that day, back with Elder Marques, a few friends from different parts of the city told us they saw me walking around with another Elder (we were lost-ish). I'm not gonna lie though, after that day, I felt a lot more comfortable in my area, I knew where everything was, and we had actually ended up teaching some people. 

We taught a family whom Elder Marques and I had visited before that day. They ended up pulling us into their house, and we started talking. Only, the problem was, it was kinda a trap. Thing is, in this mission, all the missionaries know magic tricks, maybe one or two, just to get people to talk to them here and there, and this family wanted some MAGIC. Only, a lot of missionaries do magic tricks TOO well, and the people start to spread the word everywhere that missionaries are ACTUALLY foreign magicians. Which, I mean, I'll be honest, I'm a good magician. I can tie my shoes in like, 30 seconds, I can do a somersault, I can cross my eyes, and I can burp really loudly too, basically all the skills I need to eventually attract a wife, or impress large groups of people, or win fights. In fact, I think President Washington once said, "If it wasn't for my ability to do somersaults during the battle at Valley Forge, the enemies would have been utterly unimpressed, unintimidated, and would have thought we were just a bunch of incapable idiots. I am convinced that the British forces would have undoubtedly considered us like they consider wool undergarments. Just itchy, smelly, and unimpressive." So, like George Washington with the Brits, the people here won't leave us alone unless we do some sweet magic for them. I'm just grateful they don't shoot us here for not being impressive like George.

OKAY BYE NOW. Be good! Love you all!

LOVE YOU AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

Um abraço (hugs),

Elder Daniel Reneer

November 12, 2012

It's been a pretty phenomenal week. PHENOMENAL. It's been pretty amazing for me to be a part of the missionary work, because it's already been SO rewarding. Two days ago we had SEVEN baptisms in our branch, SEVEN. And Elder Marques and I are working to get TWO more baptized tomorrow, and EIGHT more baptized in the next little bit, the dates are set. I am amazed at how much the Lord is blessing us with success, and I personally am not doing a whole lot to merit the success, it's all coming from the Man upstairs.  It's also been a very tough week mentally, with lots of challenges with dealing with other people, dealing with contention, and learning how to forget about myself and going to work. The forgetting yourself part is the hardest, I think. But moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day as I'm trying to put myself aside and worry only about other people, and worry about doing what the Lord needs, it's just incredible how much more space that's been giving Lord to bless. THIS IS A COOL THING GOING ON OUT HERE! You can't beat it! It's a tough thing to do, but so far, it's been absolutely rewarding in multiple ways.

And I'm starting to kind of love Brasil, a lot. There are so many WAY cool things about it, and the people here. Personally, I just think they do some things better out here. For one, the weather here in Lagarto is ALWAYS hot, never gets CLOSE to being cold. So I believe that means YEAR-ROUND BEACH TRIPS, which I would LOVE to do one day. One day... ALSO, the most common vehicles here are actually motorcycles, and they're SWEET. And I want one. I want I want I want I want I want one so bad. They're not the normal Orange-county Choppers, Sport bikes, or Cruisers they have in the states, they're AWESOME light-weight bikes that are built for zipping through tight Brazilian streets. So yeah, I'm not really sure how that's gonna work with the whole not having money after the mission thing, but I'll make do. I mean, these days, there are TONS of ways to get what you want, and fast. And sometimes, free, too. I'm really leaning towards the trying to get it for free thing, because I'm gonna have to buy a car, too, which will cost. This one guy in the states once told me that there's this way sweet place you can go to get a free motorcycle, and you barely have to do anything for it. I think you have to do something special to get it, like eat a banana in under 35 seconds, or impress a girl with how long you can hold your breath......well I'm actually not really sure. Actually, I think he either said, "You gotta run around the city and squeal some curses, generally at old people or women," or, "You gotta run around the city and steal some purses, generally old people or women." It wasn't really clear, the man actually only had two teeth. But either way, I think you get the motorcycle, and you don't have to pay. I liked that man!

Lastly, I think it's important to warn you about one thing specifically about Brasil, from an experience I almost had this week. Elder Marques and I traveled out of town to Aracaju this week, and ended up staying long enough to eat lunch and then make our way back to the bus station to leave. Upon our arrival at the bus station, I realized that I needed to make good use of a restroom. Only, some restrooms in big cities differ here from those in the States, especially in places like bus stations. So Elder Marques and I arrived in front of the bathrooms, and he looked at the bathrooms, then looked at me, and said, "Looks like you'll have to pay to use the bathroom here, do you have money?" "UHHH UMMM WHAT??" was my immediate thought. I had money, so I wasn't worried about the bathroom chauffer there putting his hand up to me and saying, "Sorry, but we don't let your kind pee here, you destitute poor scum." I was a little bit worried, though, about a hypothetical day in the future, you know, when I might REALLY have to use the bathroom and NOT happen to have any change on me of any sort. Because then I would get rejected by the chauffer, have to walk out into the street, and finding myself losing bodily control, lose all my dignity in front of the general public. Also, it's illegal to pee in public here (they're more dignified than that, they have public restrooms you can PAY to use!). So turns out, if you DON'T pay to pee, what happens? YOU GET JAIL. You get JAIL because you couldn't afford to pay the man at the bathroom door, and then desperately fail to locate a free pee station, and then pee in public. So, then someone calls the police on you, and you're just too wet and weighed down to make a clean escape (here the word clean applies literally and figuratively), and you get tackled by the pee police, and YOU GET JAIL. I, for one, consider this UNCONSTITUTIONAL. NOT cool. Pay to pee or get jail is a violation of the amendment that says, "We the people, believe that all men have the right to peaceably asseble, especially in places of worship, in places of press, and places of bladderary releif." Okay, enough said. Always carry money. ALWAYS. You never know when you might have to pay to pee, talk, breathe, or maybe even EAT! Who knows what's next?

Hey, I love you all so so much, be good, alright? And remember, always carry some pocket change!

LOVELOVELOVE

Elder Reneer

November 5, 2012

Okay, to start off, we're gonna play a game, I call it the 'Number Game.' You pick a number, and try really hard not to keep reading after I tell you to stop, so you can think of what number you want first. BUT DON'T TELL ME, okay? Okay, THINK OF YOUR NUMBER (1-10), and PAUSE HERE. Okay........your number is I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH! HA I WIN!!

So this week I almost lost my companion. Not the kind of lost where he gets sick of me telling him how foolish he is for not obeying my commands, and also of me hitting him when he doesn't do it exactly when I say, and then runs away because he's a little wimp. That was week two in the field. He eventually got more submissive, and now I'm training him to make milkshakes for me and also make jokes, so he can keep me well-fed and good-humored whenever I need, so all's well with him in that sense. I got him whipped into servile shape, so I really can't complain anymore.

No, this week my companion almost kind of died, kind of started falling apart, just with some pains and health problems. He was just kind of...falling apart for a day or two. Started off with some sharp pains in his legs (which we're finally going to the doctor for tomorrow in Aracaju), and then some pain in his feet, and then his wisdom teeth started coming in, putting all sorts of unhappiness in his mouth. So we ended up going through town, stopping by every dental clinic in the city until we finally found a clinic that could do a same-day extraction. So this was really cool for me, because I got to see how dentists do things down here. In fact, the dentist let me watch right over his shoulder as he hacked away at Elder Marques´s gums to get to the devilish little wisdom tooth. It was great, because the dentist was so calm and happy-go-lucky, that he even let me have a go! He was just like, "Hey, you look like you could use some brushing up on your dental surgery skills, why don't you give this one a shot? You know this missionary, right? Yeah I'm surrrrrre he'll be fine if you just, you know, as long as you keep the blood from getting on his nice white shirt! Nothing to it, it's all in the wrists, all in the wrists!" And it was my very first surgery, but the dentist said I did a GREAT job! Said that I might need to work on causing less severe bleeding, and not cut out extra teeth next time, though. He also apologized on Elder Marques's behalf, for all the wriggling and screaming, because it was making me just a little nervous. All I could do was just shake my head and say, "Well, thank goodness for those hand restraints and sedatives. I'll just have to keep training him to take pain better."

But all's well that ends well, right? Okay, so that story may be relatively false, but Elder Marques is in WAY better shape now than he was before the surgery. The poor man was essentially freaking out from all the wisdom tooth pain, so it was a huge relief to be able to find a dentist that could do the extraction. Afterwards, the dentist told him to just relax for the next couple days, stay out of the sun, and eat lots of ice cream (you know, soft foods to keep bleeding from happening). So Elder Marques went straight for the ice cream section in the market afterwards, and bought a few bricks of ice cream (taking the dentist very literally), and then went straight to bed afterwards. So after that, he and I got a bit of a lazy-ish day, just staying inside and studying.

I did splits the next day, with Elder Justino (who is time is running out on the mission, he's got 4 weeks left), and we went looking for people to teach. With him, it's never a problem, because EVERYBODY loves the guy! It's pretty easy to work alongside him, and it's always a productive time. So almost right off the bat, we got invited into a family's house to teach, and things were going pretty great. We were teaching a couple of young brothers, and one of their friends, about the Gospel of Jesus Christ...Faith, repentance, baptism, etc. And it was very cool for me, because the lesson was just flowwwwwing, and the boys were eating it up. And then their parents joined the discussion, listened gave some input. And I was feeling pretty focused and confident until I realized what the couple was wearing. I'll keep it to this much when I say, we were teaching a man with pants and no shirt, and a woman with a shirt and no pants. You know it really wasn't even very funny, until I realized that between the both of them, they literally were wearing only enough for one complete outfit. So, the lesson continued as normal, and still went AWESOMELY well. Looks like at least 2 baptisms are going to come out of it. 

EY! I HAVE PHOTOS FOR YOU THIS TIME! Yeah! So 1) I MADE COOKIES SUCCESSFULLY! OW OW! I was SO happy, because they tasted almost EXACTLY like your cookies, momma! So, after spending about $30 on ingredients, and now having no food budget money for the next couple days, I will be living off COOKIES! Woo! And my companion, after telling me that he thought cookies were just bad, said that the cookies were REALLY good! So I would consider that one more soul baptized into the one true church of dessert-making. Seriously, that cookie recipe has the power of convincing the non-believers, seriously consider capitalizing on that and making a cookie business down here! Annnnnnd 2) is....okay, you might not believe me, or see it, but I can promise that there are 2 or 3 monkeys in this picture. Might have to zoom in on it a bit, but they're there! Turns out we've actually got a family of them living in the backyard! Now, you just tell me HOW COOL THAT IS?? Unfortunately though, you can't touch them or get too close, because they supposedly carry rabies, so I'm kissing my chances goodbye of getting a photo up close for fear of getting turned into a monkey-man that foams at the mouth.

LOVED hearing about halloween! Also, about the hair thing... there IS a possibility that my hairline's drawing back at the temples....hope not though! We'll see what the next 20 months do to that, eh? But ma, you'll still love me if I'm bald, right? ;)

LOVE YOU

Elder Reneer

p.s. I might send another photo or two right quick, they won't fit on this email.

October 29, 2012

HIIIIIIIIIIII FAMILLLLY AND DEARLY BELOVEDS!! YOU'RE COOL AND NICE AND I LOVE YOUUU!

Sooooooooo hurricane???? What?? I haven't heard a thing at all, honestly, I actually don't even have a clue what the goings-on down here are. I'm actually a bit behind in news, about 2000 years, actually. I'm reading this awesome book that talks all about this righteousness stuff that happened in the Middle East way back, it's way sweet! It's got like, prophets, and fire from heaven, and all this sweet dissing on hypocrites business that's way sick! I love it! It's a bit dated, and it ain't no awesome current news like hurricanes on the East coast, but it's definitely way cool too! Y'all should check it out! But yeah, let me know how the hurricane turns out. Allllsoooo, how BYU football's doing please??? :)

And as far as those scriptures go...hm...think I left them in the upstairs room, Jacob's room, before I left.

So this week Elder Marques and I had another baptism! It was pretty cool, because we've already baptized the daughter of this lady, and it's just AWESOME to baptize families together! We were all pretty happy about it, and up to the moment of getting her to walk around to get to the baptismal font, we were pretty confident, too. That confidence was very quickly kicked out from unbderneath us though, as soon as the four of us missionaries realized that none of us had the key to open the door to the baptismal font, and that the key, in fact, was just chillin' on the key rack back at our house. So basically we had a moment or two of smiling stupidly at eachother like, "Aww man, well I feel dumb, I guess we kinda forgot something important, heh heh heh..." Literally, I'm pretty sure all of us were saying the same thing in our heads at the same time, but all of us felt to stupid to actually say anything. BUT LUCKILY the branch president was around, and happened to have a key of his OWN! So I can say with sincere honesty, that I'm glad I'm not the senior missionary in this situation with this sort of responsibility...or my stupidity would be approximately X100,000 or so, maybe roughly X100,000,000, or like when you accidentally eat a plate of nails and you realize, "Aw, oh dang... that's probably going to be terrible for my blood iron levels, and maybe even casue my acne to break out badly again, and maybe even turn my digestive tract into a living blender!" :( You know? Just one of those times you really feel dumb. But it turned out great, still! She got baptized, and she's pretty happy about it, and now she wants printed and digital copies of all the photos taken at the baptism, courtesy of Elder Reneer's gigantic pockets filled with american richness (the previous statement defintely carries a small dose of sarcasm)........ BUT I STILL LOVE HER! SO MUCH!

Also this week, Elder Marques and I headed to Itaporanga to have a meeting with the mission president, for all the companionships in training. So we got there, ate some breakfast, courtesy of President Gonzaga, and then sat down, in chairs that were grouped for a teaching role play. ANNND it was interesting to note, perhaps, that after we sat down, Elder Marques started praying that the President wouldn't sit with us. I still didn't know what was going on, exactly, so I was good with whatever.  Then President Gonzaga plopped down with E. Marques and I, and said, "Alright Elders, go ahead and teach me now, I'm your investigator." So, maybe I should explain this situation a little bit better. You know, I really respect President Gonzaga, he's really cool. Really spiritual. Really righteous. Really rich. Really intelligent. Really focused. Really powerful. And I think he might have burned a few wicked people with holy fire, actually, maybe even a few training greenie missionaries that didn't role play wekll enough with him. So you might understand my meaning when I say, that it was a bit intense for me. I wasn't scared, though" I was just like, kinda contemplating if holy fire would devour my body instantly or if it would be a slow, drawn-out process. But no sweat! I actually managed, Elder Marques and I, to maneuver through the lesson pretty effectively, and the President said WE TAUGHT THE BEST OUT OF THE OTHER COMPANIONSHIPS! Woo-hoo, no holy fire today! Yeah!! So you can imagine, I felt pretty good after teaching him, a lot more confident. Of course, the senior missionaries that were at the meeting, after watching me teach again, spared no helpful commentary (more commonly known as criticism...blech) that quickly brought me back down to earth afterwards. Honestly, when it came down to it, I was just glad that I still had my life in my possession after that meeting.

As I've been out here, I've been realizing there are a few small things about Portuguese that realllllllllly irritate me, a bit more than they should. I'm not one to criticize though, because English is probably the single most butchered language in the world. Main thing that's come to my attenttion lately, is how you salute, or say hi essentially, to people on the street. It really shouldn't bug me but IT REALLY REALLY DOES! So, they have three different things you're supposed to say, depending on the time of day. They are, bom dia, boa tarde, and boa noite. Good day, good afternoon, and good night. Simple, right? NO. NO NO NO NO NOOO. NOT SIMPLE. Because back in the english-speaking days of my youth, all I worried about was just saying , "How ya doin! Great!" You know, one easy thing to remember, and you DON'T have to worry about what the time is. So, here's the break down: To say good day here, you say it from the morning until after you eat lunch. For good afternoon, you say it from lunch until exactly 6:00pm. For good night, any time after 6:00 until the morning is good! So there are literally RULES here to when you can say these things. And then, after about 1:00am or so til about 5am, if you say ANYTHING, people will call the police, and then they'll come beat you until you promise to be a better person and not practice common courtesy in the wee small hours of the morning. Which fortunately for me, isn't a problem because I'm sleeping, and not worrying about what I'm saying. Except that, sometimes at night, I wake up screaming and pounding my chest at the same time shouting, "BOOAAA NOITE!" because I'm constantly having nightmares about it. And so for a while after that, I have to keep real quiet, to make sure the police don't notice anything really suspicious around the neighborhood. 

All in all, life's still pretty good out here! I'm really enjoying the time in the mornings I get to just study and read the scriptures, it's honestly the best thing EVER. I'm also getting more careful as to avoid studying in the hammock, otherwise I conk out instantly. I'm healthy, I'm happy, and I'm going bald, so thats two for three, so I've got a solid 66.7% going for me right now, so I can't complain.

I love you ALL. BYE!

Elder Reneer

 - Billionaire, Genius, Philanthropist, Mormon

October 22, 2012

Okay first off, I'm REALLLLY SORRY I haven't sent a real letter to the Reneer home base in a while, but I'll be getting a beautifully-crafted one sealed and delivered today or tomorrow. SERIOUSLY. I MEAN IT! YOU WILL RECEIVE ONE! I REALLY DO LOVE YOU! In all honesty, I've put a good amount of work into this letter, and I've got some juicy-juice nitty-gritty in it that y'all are gonna like, and I attached illustrations, too! It's a lot like children's literature, but the drawings are more like cave paintings and the vocabulary's a lot better. Give a little, get a little, ya know.

SO. Life's good. I like it here. Haven't eaten liver in a while, but I've eaten some real great rice and beans this week! Believe it or not, they're even BETTER the 197th time in a row. I'm kinda getting the feeling it's kinda like being an alcoholic actually, a really extreme alcoholic, because I'm kind of dependent on it now, and I think I might die if I stop eating them. But honestly, I'm not too worried about it, because it's great for gaining muscle mass! I think someone once said in the scriptures, "It is by small and simple beans that great muscles are come to pass." I'm not really sure who said that in the scriptures, but I think that it was Captain Moroni. And if ANYONE would know, it would be him. He's got biceps the size of watermelons in the Stripling Warriors picture, so I'm pretty sure he knows beans.

The pictures I attached on this email have some pretty sweet stories to go with them! The ceramic bull is pretty sweet, I got him free of charge (he's nude, by the way, so I'm actually gonna make a diaper for him). Elder Pinto and I went on splits this last week, and literally the first house we stopped in, the residing family practically pulled us in and struck up a warm conversation. The momma makes ceramics for a living, and after chatting with her for a while, and she, finding that she liked Elder Pinto and I quite a lot, gave me the bull, and tried to give Elder Pinto a 40-lb water buffalo too (CERAMIC bull, mind you, the live 40-lb water buffalo here aren't actually domesticated yet). And it was after that, that the family obliged to hear our message warmly. After Elder Pinto and I (after much Portuguese-butchering, of course) taught, they all obliged to pray about the message, after saying they already knew and felt it was true, and wanted to be baptized. IT WAS SOOO COOL! It was SOO cool, because I could literally tell the Lord had been preparing them to hear the message for some time now. They had all sorts of doubts about the Catholic church's ways, and they were in complete agreement with everything we taught. I'll admit, I almost peed my pants a little (not really, but I imagined doing it in my mind). AMAZING. Now I keep the ceramic bull around to remind me of the family, and also to ward off evil and danger, for example, salmonella and bats. And also baldness. I hate imagining myself bald. It's actually got me pretty worried lately, so the bull (named James Boanerges) stays on my desk to keep me relaxed and hairy. 

Also this last week, I got to go on another splits, to a town called Itaporanga. One of the photos I sent is of a view from a proselyting area that's absolutely BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL. I seriosuly was having issues with not becoming a nature hobo, going straight up Tom Sawyer on that wilderness. I couldn't stop thinking about how PERFECT it would be for a little lakeside cottage with a little hammock strewn out in between some palm trees, just relaxing in retirement with my wife and canoe...Alright. Honestly so cool.

THAT splits was good, but almost ENTIRELY unproductive. We had FHE with a member family there, which we had to take a hike to get to up a huge hill. After that, we spent some time with another part-member family. While the others were chatting away delightfully with the family, some Brasileras (probably like, 16, 15 years old) pulled up on their bikes and joined the chat. It was all good, 'til I realized exactly WHY they were there...yeah. The Brazilian missionaries call them, 'uhsnakes' (pronounced, UH-snakes), American missionaries call them 'snakes,' and I call it, 'a despicable little teenage Brazilian girl who has no idea how far off I can see her coming when she says, "If you were serving in this city right now, I would get baptized, but just you, not the other missionaries."' So when I heard her say this, very suddenly I really wanted her to be very far away from me. I actually considered projectile vomiting in her direction, but realized that I would probably be the only one around that would appreciate the results (not really...okay maybe I thought about it a little...), and also that I would be really hungry if I suddenly emptied my stomach. And these days, my stomach's my number one, so I decided agasinst it. Meh, you can't win 'em all. Honestly, the girl was harmless (to me, at least, some missionaries are just too small to fight women off), and I actually felt bad for her, because what she said ended up making her look very silly. Yes, verily I say unto you, very silly indeed.

...

...

MOOOOOOOM! I JUST REMEMBERED! CAN YOU PLEAAAASE PLEEEAASUH PLEEEEEASUH SEND ME THE RECIPIE FOR YOUR COOKIES??? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE?? I would really like to see if I can whip them up as good as they turn out State-side!! AND YOU WANNA KNOW THE SINGLE LARGEST WEAKNESSSSSS OF BRAZIL??? (I'm mad now, that's why it's in caps) THEY. DON'T MAKE. COOKIES. HERE. BLASPHEMY BLASPHEMY BLASPHEMY! So also, just a hint here, if you wanted to be incredibly rich, just take your homemade cookie recipe here to Brazil and make a franchise. Easy as cake. Seriously, I have no idea what's wrong with them. So PLEASE make sure you send me a recipe next week!

Also, can one of you (Brianna or Momma would be the best) let Violette know I got her package? She, Gina, and some other mystery person who forgot to write their name on their letter to me all sent me an AWESOME package, and it arrived about a week ago. THANKYOU! Sending a response very soon!

Also, today or tomorrow, sending Caitlin's iPod stateside. Wrapped in in a clean sunday sock, stuffed in gently into a solid little box filled with paper stuffing, and it'll be on it's way soon. No idea when it should get there. Could actually be a month or so.

And Christmas...? Hm. Not sure! Definitely maybe a tie, OOH and some Crayola Twistables (I'm afraid of running out, I use them to draw sometimes and mark scriptures a lot), and some skittles and starburstsss! YEAH! PLEASE! And if you can (totally optional), stuff a small bag of froot loops or chocolate pebbles in there! Cereal is seriously pretty disappointingly bland here, not sure why, ya know. I would LOVE you EVEN MORE if you did that! Yeah, kinda like SOOMUCH MORE!

Okay bye now.

Elder Daniel Christopher Smileypantshasnoideawhatyouresayingyetifyourespeakingportuguesequickly Reneer

OH OH and the other picture I'm sending is of this cute little girl that's always walking around with the other kids where Elder Marques and I are working! She's the only blond around :) Looks like I'll actually haveto send it in another email. BYE!

October 15, 2012

Olá! Tudo bem my dearly beloveds?? I LOOOOVE YOUUUUU! Kinda like your big intestine loves your liver! CAN'T live without you. DEFINITELY can't deal with all the poopy business in life without you;)

So speaking of liver...turns out it's a delicacy here...????? I'm honestly really confused, because I can think of at least one type of meat that tastes better, or like, two or three. Like bacon...marbled meats...oh and DEFINITELY eggs. Yeah, eggs are WAYYY better than liver. I'm still not really sure if they're technically meat, but if they WERE technically meat, I would SO eat them before liver. But seriously, I don't mean to complain, but I'm not really sure they understand here what the organ known as liver does. It's seriously what the garbage truck guys do, it's what no one else wants to do, it filters out all the little nasties and gets them out of the way so you can live like a normal person. Say you have a carton of rotten eggs, stuff you don't want in your house, what do you do? You throw it out. Let the garbage men handle it. They like it. Say you have a poopy diaper sitting around, and no one wants to keep it. You throw it out. Say you've got a dead body lying around in the house, and you quite honestly don't want it stinking up your living room, and the Febreeze just isn't cutting it. You throw that sucker OUT! YOU DON'T EAT IT! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT A DEAD BODY! Really really! And that dead body is just like LIVER! You DON'T eat it. No.

I bring this up because Elder Marques and I have been eating a lot of liver lately. It's actually an honor for me, because here it's a symbol of endearment, so I honestly AM quite honored, and I'm also hoping it's not some sort of sick joke, because then I'd kinda be ticked. I'm just gonna keep eatin' it, ya know. In truth, it's actually not that bad, they actually cook it really well, and I haven't really had any that has tasted bad yet. So all in all, it's a win-win. The families we're eating lunch with love us, and they're giving us the best of their meat, and it's cooked pretty dang well! Quite honestly I don't have any complaints :)

So this last week I've had a lot of 'Brazilian firsts.' The definition of a 'Brazilian first' is something that you do for the first time, that you wouldn't normally do in another place. A place that's not Brazil. Like being given liver like it's birthday cake, for example. So, this last week I had my first division, with Elder Lewis. He's cool! He's a big elder from Oregon that trashed people as a lineman in high school, super calm and friendly. So in the morning after I spent the night away from Lagarto, we headed for a WEDDING!! It was SO cool, the couple is getting married because they want to get baptized, and they were only living together before, already had a couple kids. So we headed to the courthouse in Itabaiana to get them married off with a bunch of other couples (weddings are done in mass groups here, several couples at a time). And I kinda almost got married to Elder Lewis...kinda. Apparently our matching clothes and Elder Lewis' pink tie were enough to get asked by the officiator if we were ready to get married. I had NO idea what they said, so I just nodded my head, and Elder Lewis caught me and said "No, not today" to the officiator. Meh, it's not every day you almost get married, is it?

Also had some more Brazilian firsts. Met my first parrot, monkey, and half-jaguar this week, it was sweet! I attached the picture of the half-jaguar, he was way chill! As soon as I got him to stop chewing on my hand I pulled myself together enough to snatch a photo, and by some miracle I got another one, and smiling! It was actually really painful, for the smile I think I was actually gritting my teeth, and the raised, happy-looking eyebrows are from surprise, actually, that it didn't go for my neck first. KIDDING. Seriously, it was like the wimpiest over sized cat I've met, honestly just ignored me the whole time I was trying to pet him. Kind of depressing really. It's moments like that you expect to be really special, and it was just ignoring me and trying to get away from me the whole time. Actually, reminds me a lot of my first kiss, now that I think about it. KIDDING. The jaguar-cat was WAY nicer to me. ;)

The parrot HATED me. I was told he just hates people in general, so it doesn't bother me too much. I tried to get it to mount on my hand (at an investigator's house), and he tried to BITE me! I was kinda ticked, and then he started LAUGHING at me. Repeatedly, actually. Stinking bully. I wanted to make a mean joke like, "Hah! At least my momma's the same SPECIES as me!" Or like, "Hah! Have fun not having HANNDSSS, jerk!" Or maybe a, "Nice clipped wings, bro. How's it feel to be a flightless bird, ya dumb penguin?" and then stick my tongue out. But I really didn't know how to say any of those in Portuguese, so I just let it be. The sucker will get his reward one day. He actually lives with an intensely ferocious Rottweiler (120-130 lb), so I'm thinking about paying someone to sneak into their house and douse the bird with meat sauce. I don't know though, I've never really considered myself the aggressive type, so I'll probably just pretend it didn't affect me deeply and not do anything about it. 

So also, one more thing that's been on my mind. Since general conference, I've had some time to think about the announcement for mission age. I'll be back at school about 2 years from now, so taking that into account, I did a little math. Seeing as the Sister missionaries can go out at 19 years old now, roughly in the next 4-7 months or so, they'll start filing into the missions around the world. Which means, they'll also be returning probably a little more than 2 years from now, which will be enough time for them to return to school 4 months after me. So now it's looking like by the time I get back to school, there will theoretically be NO unmarried desireable women attending BYU. They will all be serving their missions, or they will be a little bit too young for me. So I and some other tons of return missionaries will all be hanging out on Friday nights in groups, and just be like, "Yeah man, I TOTALLY met this awesome girl today in chemistry, AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE BAND BRO!" And then someone's gonna be like, "Bro...remember when the mission age changed like two years ago for the Sisters?" and then that first return missionary's gonna do the math in his head, and be like, "Awwwwww...man, you telling me I flirted mith a FRESHMAN??" And then everybody's gonna be like, "Hahah dude, you like little girlllls, you like little girrllls! Nah, nah, nahnahhhhh nah!" I don't know about the rest of the elders out in the mission field, but I am personally not looking forward to being a part of this conversation. 

Alright, I think this is all for this week, things are going pretty good! I actually got a letter that was sent my way accidentally, from Jacob to the Tiensvolds (it was addressed to me:) ). And a letter I sent to Meghan and Skyler got sent to me after a week in the mail system, with no notes of wrong address or the like on it. So I'm sending them both out today, to brave the mailing system again, hopeful the Tiensvolds and Christensen families will get their well-deserved letters soon. 

Well, things are going pretty good out here, it's still tough, but I'm learning TONS. I'm generally understanding people well, but not totally. I'm comfortable until real conversations with any sort of excitement happen, but other than that, I'm understanding most of speech in Portuguese. Life is good, can't complain, LOVEEEE YOUUU ALLLLLL SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much! BYEEE!

Love, 

Elder Daniel Reneer

October 8, 2012

Hello my beautiful beloved family, I love you all dearly :)

I would like it if y'all could send me some photos in the next email of the family together, I don't have any good ones with me! Maybe some of the ones we have of being at the park in Gordon. Also, how is getting the house sold going? I've been thinking about it here and there, praying for it to sell. Let me know as soon as the prayers work! I wanna get that hundred year-old puppy sollld!

Agh. The news about Jesse, so sad. I actually did know him somewhat, got to talk to him a good little bit. State champ wrestler, bright kid, decent person, I'll be praying for his family. 

ALSOOOO do NOT mention the beach EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! Not 'til after the mission! NAUUUUGGGHHT fair! Bah!

HEY GOOD NEWS!! If y'all would like to hand-craft a letter for me, for the next two weeks (safely), you can send them to my house address right HERE:

Elder Daniel Reneer

Av. Rotary, 105, 1º andar

Centro

Lagarto -SE

49400000

BRAZIL

(hint, hint, nod, nod, wink, wink...ya know...write me...if ya wanna...)

Things are going good out here, I'm getting yet more and more comfy with Portuguese, and I'm enjoying myself more. I'd be lying if I EVER said it was all peaches and cream, because it's more like peaches with sour cream...the delightsomely tasty fruit is still there, but you gotta learn to deal with the sour stuff too if you wanna get anything out of it at all!

Before leaving you wanting for more words from me I'm gonna leave you with some important facts to remember, each one of you! They are the following:

1) You are ALL actually cool. I would TOTALLY 'like' you all on facebook. 

2) If you were a star, I would say you were a pulsar, 'cause you're all super bright, and not necessarily very hot, but you're all the astronomy fanatics can think about, even if you did just start out as a blobby mass before you were born that no one cared about. Love you ;)

3) I love you all. Think about you a sufficient amount, that's for sure. I work hard so that you all can receive extra blessings, so make sure you're paying attention when those blessings come your way, and recognize your Heavenly Father for it! Seriously!

4) The Gospel is true. I promise. And it's absolutely stunningly beautiful, because its principles and precepts are built into nature, into this beautiful earth. For example, read 2 Ne. 28:30. Bit by bit, we're designed to grow, and eventually become like the Lord. The same way that each unimposing drop that falls from a stalactite on the ceiling of a cave, gives, bit by bit, a little more substance to the stalagmite on the cave floor. It's slow, and unnoticeable, but using every bit of mineral given by the drops falling from above, the stalagmite eventually gains enough mass to reach the stalactite, and the two then are joined together, never to be separated again. Never ever ignore the gifts our Heavenly Father gives, every single one is designed to get us back to Him!

Bye, love you guys :) Sending some pictures, so heads up!

God be with you,

Elder Reneer

September 24, 2012

AIIIIIII FAMILY! Remember the love thing I have for you? So deep and profound the waters of the oceans could not encompass it?

AI FRIENDS too! You're great! Much love to you too, and do you realize there's a hole in my heart where you used to be, and trying to fill it is like trying to dribble a football...with a foot?

So. Brasil is great. My Portuguese? Not so. Oh well...I'll speech the language real good one day.

This last week has been a rip-roaring crazy time...I don't even know where to start...well turns out that I'll be giving a talk this week in Church, in Portuguese, of course. Almost had to give it with 2 hours notice yesterday, but someone saved me. It's a good thing I've got some prepared talks ready in Portuguese already, so this time...I'll blow them away. Who knows? I might even shed a few tears, yell a little bit, crack a joke and bust up the whole crowd ;) But probably not, seeing as it's Portuguese. I'll probably cry, at least, maybe wee a little bit.

Not everybody in the mission has been doing so good, though. An elder in the mission, just this last week got robbed. At least, he thought he got robbed, but in reality, he had absolutely no idea the Brasilero was joking about how all Americans are rich. Not even close. The 2 elders got inside me man's house during proselyting and knocking doors, while he was cutting meat, with a big bloody knife, of course. He started joking to the one elder that Americans are rich, gesturing by waving his knife around a wee bit, and managed to convince the elder that he was being robbed at knife-point. He of course panicked, like I just might... and left the house in a hurry. Ah, poor sucker, that bloody knife'll getcha every time.

I'm also a poor idiotic American when it comes down to it, though, because I did a no-no just last night. GAH! Yeah, so frustrating. Went by an investigator's house with a few elders just to drop by and say hi, and when I shook the hand of the 16-year old, said, "Oi, Ladrão, tudo bem?" just very lightly and casually, like chill friends do, ya know. As it is, turns out that translates, "Hey thief, what 's good?" And you're NOT supposed to call people ladrões to their faces here, NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT! It's a good thing he's not affiliated with gangs, or real life thieves, and that we're already pretty close...or I might have one less kneecap, or maybe he would have just written me a strongly-worded letter to let out angry feelings in a non-violent way, the way gentlemen do.

NO. DON'T CALL PEOPLE LADRÕES! Bad. I, of course, apologized. Seriously, this investigator's way chill, and I just felt like dirt-not scared-after I called him a thief.

I'm also learning a lot about how the church is actually slightly different in different cultures of the world. The gospel's teachings are all the same, obviously, but dances, for example, are very different. For one, the youth dances they have here are cool (I was able to attend one a couple nights past to get some contacts), as in they have modern music, and it's in English, and it's CLEAN too! Almost IMPOSSIBLE combination, seriously. For two, the youth actaully all dance! That's cool! And three...........the missionaries can dance TOOO! But only at the smaller dances, that only have youth from the area the missionaries are serving in. Soooo...I may just, you know, to help get contacts, and be productive, you know, to build the kingdom of the Lord on the earth and stuff, do a windmill, breakdance a little. Just a little though. Because, if I do more than just a little, that would be like, bad, because then I'd be like, Ceasar, who we all know, conquered WAY too many countries, and people eventually just saw him as a jerk that just liked to show off and prove he was better than everyone else. Idiot.

Alright, I'm gonna conclude this email right quick with some AWESOME news! So, Elder Marques and I (my new companheiro) have 3 or 4 upcoming baptisms in the next couple weeks, and I'm PSYCHED, because they're good people, and they actually care! How cool is that! People, that care! That's Katy Perry with real talent, unbelievable! 

Alright, done!

Até mais, I love you all!

Especially the following beings:

Christopher Reneer, Annamarie Reneer, Meghan Christensen, Skyler Christensen, Abby Christensen, Caitlin Reneer, Brianna Reneer, Elizabeth Noel Fantastic Sassy-pants Mad Swag Justin Biebeer Loving Reneer, and Jacob Reneer (who I will now be bragging about to the Brasilians here with regards to his futebol talent)