January 22, 2013

ME! HI! I'M THAT ONE ELDER PERSON THAT YOU GUYS SENT TO BRAZIL! YEAH! IT'S THE DANIEL SURNAMED RENEER TITLED ELDER PERSON! YOU KNOW!? I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE NICE AND HAPPY THERE IN THE LAND TERRAIN COUNTRY UNITED STATES (where they have air conditioning)! :)

HEY! I bet you didn't know a something! About my transfer! So you know how missionaries get shifted around and all that jazz? Well, that was like, me this last week! I was one of those shifty missionaries this week! I got shifted and all that jazz, and torn from my place of birth in the mission field, i.e. Lagarto. Now I'm not there. I'm in another place. And that other place is not Lagarto, it's a different place. It's a place that's different. Different from that first place. That first place was Lagarto. Which is where I'm not right now, because I'm in a different place. So by logical deduction theorem methods, we can assume from my previously proclaimed clauses that I'm in Aracaju, in a place called Soledade(Which if you speak the Portuguese tongue sounds like Soul-eh-DOD-gee). 

I got a new companion, his name's Elder Rodrigues. He's from way down south in Brazil, Rio Grande do Sul, where it actually gets cold enough to SNOW! Which I didn't know existed until I met people from that part of the country. It might be just a little dusting of snow, a wee little sprinkling of snow, but it's just really hard to imagine that there are cold places in Brazil after being in this part of the country, commonly called the people-oven. It's so hot here, in fact, that every once in a while some of the more elderly people and small children fall over in the streets, thoroughly cooked, and evenly salted (from excessive and thorough sweating), and perish under the sun as very large and well-roasted steaks. It's really sad, but on a positive note, you don't have to worry about making a retirement fund, because you'll probably just die before you get to the point where you'll need to use it. A FANTASTIC way to avoid all that pesky stress and irritating financial planning! Instead of ending up as a stress-balded, money-worried, irritable old person, you'll just end up as a deliciously well-cooked slab of meat for EVERYone to admire and enjoy! Never have to worry about dragging the kids kicking and screaming to visit old grandma or grandpa! (I'm just kidding grandma:) )

So listening to Elder Bednar talk was AWESOME. SUPERB. Very spiritual and enlightening. And it's really funny, because the way he gave a talk was like I was listening to dad give a talk, and it was FREAKING me out, because he has the SAME JOKE FACE AS DAD. So, not only does this Apostle of the Lord have an almost identical teaching method of asking questions, same composure, and same attitude about teaching the Gospel to people, but he MAKES THE SAME JOKE FACE AS DAD. So, I think during the talk he gave I started getting a little bit needy for my dad, and I really just wanted to pull him in for a big 'ole apostolic hug at the end, and like, ask him if he could take me out for ice cream or take me shooting or something, but I got kinda nervous when it was my turn in the handshake line and just kinda sputtered out a half-Portuguese, half-English, half-Spanish "You're nice," or some other super-thoughtful phrase formed by an overly-intelligent being like that. After I walked by him I just felt super-defeated. I guess it's good though, a little failure keeps you good and humble. 

Well it was a good week, Elder Rodrigues and I are making a lot of good progress in our area. We have 3 super secure baptisms this weekend, and more to come later. He's an AWESOME companion, a super good guy, and in the work we've been seeing tons of small miracles happen. It's so cool!

I LOVE YOU GUYS! BE GOOD! OR AT LEAST MOSTLY GOOD!

Love, 

Elder Daniel Reneer

January 14, 2013

SO GUESS WHAT!! GUESS WHAT! 

IT'S ABOUT ME! SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME! RECENTLY!

I GOT TRANSFERRED!!!!! I'M LEAVING MY FIRST AREA! Proportionately speaking, it's kinda like I just finished being a toddler and started kindergarten! Now's when I get to learn how to yo-yo, jump rope and all that other big kid stuff like baptize.Only, the only thing I know is that I'm leaving Lagarto , I have no idea with whom or where I'm going, except that I'll still be in the same state, Sergipe, so I'll for sure be trading houses. Sure hope you didn't send any letters to the house recently....................everybody loves a letter from home, but you know...some letters disappear when the missionary's not around to get it. It's kinda a sad thing that happens. Kinda like with orphans, when they don't get adopted in time, they just kinda disappear, get lost, stolen by jealous missionaries, or they die. But mostly they just die, and nobody knows about it.

So I'm sending a few more photos your way from this week, hope you love them.

As you can see from the photos that exhibit their images, I touched a donkey. It's not like it's really that special of a thing to take a picture of, but I really felt like it was for him, more than it was for me. I think he's really lonely, doesn't really have any sort of father figure in his life. Elder Silveira and I pet him for a bit, then walked off and left him alone. Though we didn't get very far until we noticed he was following us, trying to cover his approach by making it look like he was just eating the grass and weeds behind us. But I wasn't fooled. As we all know, donkeys have great senses of humor (thanks to Brian Regan), and I could tell that he was trying to joke around with me, trying to play. I think it's another one of those orphan things... where they're just desperate to impress people, knowing that if they don't succeed in impressing people in time, they'll never get adopted, and like an unclaimed missionary letter, they'll just get taken advantage of, probably kindapped. Maybe even join the military, or join a gang, or a jedi academy. Somewhere where they think people will take care of them, anyways.

Also, I made a...cookie. Only it didn't exactly turn out as a sleek sheet of cookies. It was kinda meant to be a cookie sheet, like brownies, but it kinda ended up burning on the bottom, and then it was suddenly almost totally inseparable. So, I got a big cookie. I blame the wind for this one. We actually have a lot of wind in our apartment, it knocks stuff over all the time. Bottles, dishes, clothes hung up to dry. Usually the wind isn't a factor in baking, but in our apartment, it becomes one. So I blame the wind. I think it might have knocked over the... temperature knob on the oven...or something.

Elder Silveira and Marques have both now informed me that I sleep talk. Elder Marques told me a while back I said some stuff, called for my mommy, things like that, he didn't really understand much because it was English. A couple days ago, Elder Silveira told me that I sleep talk also...well actually, he told me that I "sleep-box." Sleep-boxing is a term generally applied to people that can't manage to form words while verbalizing dreams during sleep, that instead start to make beatboxing noises. So....I beatboxed in my sleep. Spat out a sick track. I think they say that if you speak a different language in your sleep that you're fluent. So it's safe to assume if I EVER need to communicate with a drum, a speaker, or maybe even a drummer, or like, a DJ, that I can handle my own. 

Well, the work is going super well, I'm INTENSELY excited to hear Elder Bednar speak next week. Bringing a painted poster that says, "Dude, you're like my favorite apostle! Bednar's #1 or bust!"

Also, my next email will be on this Saturday, because Elder Bednar is coming to speak on the following p-day, so email got moved. Until then!

I. LOVE. YOU. SO MUCH.

Loved your email, so good to hear the family's busy and having fun.

BYE!

Elder Daniel Reneer

January 7, 2013

FIRST of all I wanna say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU AND THAT YOU'RE ALL LIKE MIRACLE-WORKERS OR SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU SENT ME A BOX FULL OF THINGS THAT MADE ME REALLY EXCITEDLY JOYOUSLY CHIPPER! I sent a photo or two to give you an idea of just how much I was satisfied with its contents. So, I would like to take a moment to recognize the thoughfulness you put into sending me my Christmas box.

 - DUDE. YOU SENT ME A TIE!. AGGGGHHHH YES!! Ooh, that tie's seriously a piece of delicous work! It's reminds me of the beautifully cascading waters of the marvellous Falls of Niagra, only it's a BRITISH waterfall! From ENGLAND! Yeah buddy!

 - LETTERRSSSS! THANK YOU Jacob and Brianna. I ABHORRED your letters! I especially appreciated the details about Brianna's love life, seminary, and how she wants me to not tell anyone how she feeds Noel when she's sleeping so Noel will never be skinnier than her. And Jacob's extremely convincing argument about how there's no way Santa's real, because there's "No way a fat man like him could fit down a skinny chimney." It was some good food for thought.

 - CEREAL. OMGOODNESS. THANK YOU. I FEEL REAL AGAIN (first time in 4 months I've eaten it...).

 - Pictures! Heck yeah! Never seen thse baby pictures before! They're in my photo album on my desk now! :)

 - CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY! AND BAKING MIXES! Already made the Snickerdoodles mix, I'm zeroing in on the lemon bars mix today or tomorrow (these things don't exist out here).

 - Dude YOU SENT ME OLD SPIIIIIIICEEEEEE!!! I LITERALLY CRIED WHEN I SAW IT! I never had so much appreciation for American armpit substances until I got out here, where stick deodorants are super hard to find. I don't think they really care for it here. In fact, when I pulled it from the box screaming and jumping and crying, and waved it in the other elders' faces, they just kinda...stood there. And looked at me. Like I was freaking out about nothing, and like I needed to control myself and stop spilling happiness all over them. And that kinda irritated me, actually. When I pulled the Old spice from the box, it was like...freedom. Like the time that Joesph in the Bible got sold into slavery by his family, shipped off to a far off land to labor for strange people (like me and my family, except you guys are paying to keep me out of here, so it's actually technically more of an emotional devastation). It was pretty tough with all the long hours of slave labor, eventual imprisonment, hot sun, and not being able to embrace any women (a) because he would get whipped by his slave driver if he did, and b) because he smelled horrible without his Old Spice, and the women wouldn't come near him anyway). But on Chirstmas day, when his family finally sent him that Christmas package, brimming with thoughtfulness and Old Spice smell, he realized that he was gonna be fine in Egypt, after all. And if I remember right, it wasn't until he got to smelling like Old Spice that he got out of prison and things started getting a lot better for him. So, mom, dad, family - I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the fresh-smelling ticket out of pit-stink prison. Things are really lookin' up now.

OH AND ALSO you sent me those Twistable pencils. I'm gonna whip up something sweet with them and send it your way soon!

Well, life has been pretty chipper, and the work has been going well. Elder Silveira and I are always teaching. Or, at least, most of the time we're teaching. There's that saying, "teach people, not lessons." You know, be more focused on the people you're teaching, rather than what you're teaching. Only the problem is, like with a couple current investigators, they like to talk. In fact, they like to talk so much that the lessons usually last an hour, on average. It's kind of a trap, really. If you talk, they talk more. If you ask a question, they talk even more. And if you even THINK about trying to make a beeline through the lesson (to try to get in a word edgewise), you're dead. Dead meat. They will talk until you either start yelling at them to be quiet, leave, or die on their sofa. Fortunately I haven't died yet, and I learned that sometimes, you teach mouths, not people. People listen, mouths don't. They just talk. Until you die.

Well, haven't had much more news, hope you like the pictures:)

OH transfer's this next week, so don't send letters to my house address, they won't make it to me if I get transferred.

LOVED your letter. BYE!

Elder Daniel Reneer (adores you)(or abhors)(whatever)

December 31, 2012

Ha! I bet you didn't figure out who it is yet!! oh, I KNOW! I'll give you a clue!! Let's see, the clue is....I LOVE YOU. SO DESPERATELY MUCH. :)

What beatuiful news to hear about the family, doing so much stuff together, getting together with the Tiensvolds, hosting Brad, checking out hockey games, that's WAY tight! Wish I had had more time to just talk with you, mom and pops, during the Skype call. Sounds like you guys are staying busy, that's for sure! Always praying for you guys! Make sure to tell Brad and the Tiensvolds hi, BUT FROM ME! And give 'em a good solid hug, too! OOH and don't forget to tell Mark Shield's family hi for me too, and wish him good health! I finished his book a while back, and really appreciated it. I let an Elder in the MTC from Cape Verde read it too, after he went through the temple, and he ALSO really appreciated it. ALSO I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT JACOB'S BAPTISSSSSM WENT WELL! Yeah buddy, SO good to hear! 

Life is pretty good out here:) Christmas was good, not too eventful. We got fed pretty well in a part-member house, and it was pretty DANG good food. Then we went out to work, taught some lessons, found new investigators, marked some baptisms. 

This week was pretty special actually, because I FINISHED THE BOOK OF MORMON IN PORTUGUESE! If y'all are feelin' me lemme hear y'all say YEAAAAAHHHHH! That's 620 pages of highly formal Portuguese, more or less well understood, READ and UNDER my belt! Woo! I made a goal about a month and a half ago to make a push to finish it before the end of the year, with about 500 pages to go, so it feels WAY good to have finished that. So, according to the promise made by the Prophet a ways back, I'm now fluent in Portuguese. Which means now I can successfully, speak, hear, comprehend, ask for directions, describe what a fulfilling experience eating a home-made cookie is, tell a joke, give orders, make poems, and humiliate and cuss out people. Really anything you could possibly need during the day, I learned from my reading. It's been great!

But in all seriousness, reading the Book of Mormon in another language has been really cool, because I've been learning how it's not important if you don't understand perfectly how it's written, or at times how it may be diffucult to comprehend. Because as I've been reading and studying, my testimony's been fortified immensely, and so many of the teachings contained in it have been helping me daily to change who I am, regardless of whatever reduced reading comprehension. The mission's tough, but it wouldn't be worth it without what that beautiful book has to offer. 

Okay, so you wanted me to let you know what I bought for Christmas with my card. Christmas eve I went and bought a soccer ball and pump, and it was about $15. My reasoning was something like, "Hey, what the heck I'm in Brasil, I should be doing like the Brasilians do, like eating more liver, or cussing out Argentina, or playing soccer more." I figured I really needed to take some skills away from the mission, and eating liver and cussing out Brasilians didn't exactly make the cut, so I settled on the soccer ball. 

Only, upon my purchase, I made a discovery. As I brought the ball home, and the news spread to the other Brasilian missionaries in the house that I had a foocheebowl(football in Portuguese, more or less), all of a sudden I found myself very..."football-less." "Hey, check out what Elder Reneer bought!" "Aw sweet, lemme see that! Heck yeah!" And from there on, it was like watching a swarm of Brasilian sharks swarm in on a kill, using only their feet, or watching a man mistakenly walk into a field and get swarmed and eaten by a flock of molemen...or better yet, watching a chubby 3-year old walk into the middle of a crowd of doting cheek-piching senior citizens. There's just nothing you can do except watch in horror as that poor little guy gets devoured, screaming and struggling as he tries to fight his way out of the dry and wrinkly, adoring crowd. Ah, poor guy. 

MAN I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Hope you LOVE your time together with everybody today, have an awesome New Year's! 

Pictures! Got a good mix here! There's a picture of us four in Lagarto at the Hospital on Christmas, we went there to sing for all of the patients. Got a picture of the Brasilian moon (they really only have this type here), and a snapshot of another Brasilian First, a tarantula that was hanging out outside the church last night. Also, got a picture inside an investigator's house, on her sofa made of entirely Coca-Cola bottles (I'll get a picture of her sent too, soon!). Oh...yeah...and there's also a picture of a trunky moment I had outside of a fun park that's currently visiting Lagarto. Agh, I never really had a real trunky moment until I saw that ferris wheel...and realized my corpse wouldn't be mounting the frolicking features of an amusement park ride for a good amount of time:)

BYE I LOVE YOU!

I'M WRITING LOTS OF LETTERS HOME NOW THAT I FINISHED THE BoM, BE READY!

Love, 

Elder Daniel Christopher Reallylikesallofyouspecificallyandindividually Reneer

December 24, 2012

Alright I'm REALLY preparing myself to be bald. I've just kinda started disassociating my hair with all my future plans, abandoning all my future dreams that my hair accompanies, like my wife stroking my hair softly as she sings me to sleep on restless nights... or jovial conversations with barbers when I go to get my hair cut... or propping my little toddler son up on my shoulders on the way to church, wincing tolerantly, as my wife stifles the laughter as she watches him pull at my hair and squeal in delight, slobbering all over my healthy cap of hair. *Sigh*... I've decided that I need something to fill in that future...lack of memorable experiences with the top of my head, so I'm going to cope by going into hat modeling, where the only hair I need is eyebrow hair, which I've got plenty of. Daggonit, goodbye my beloved hair, I'll see ya again in the wink of an eye, in the resurrection.

So, this week has been pretty dang good, even though I've spent the week waiting for the SKYPE CALL THAT'S TODAY! An hour of seeing your beautiful shining beloved faces is gonna do some good for the soul. 

I reached an AWESOME milestone a couple weeks ago during a lesson with Elder Silveira. After introductions, and a wee bit into the conversation, E. Silveira asked where the investigators thought we were from. They guessed his homeland alright, way down south in Brasil, and then they tried to guess where I was from. It's something I've gotten pretty used to. The first guess is usually, "GERMANY, GERMANY!" which I still haven't figured out. The second is, "Uhhhh...you're pretty white, so...United States? Are you American?" But this time, I waited patiently for them to swell in excitement in the hope of me being German, when the investigator cocked her head, and guessed politely, "You seem like you're from Portugal, are you from there?" AND I ALMOST PEED MY PANTS BECAUSE THAT WAS A REALLY COOL THING TO ASK ME BECAUSE THAT MEANS I SPEAK PORTUGUESE AT A SLIGHTLY HIGHER LEVEL THAN AN 11 YEAR OLD THAT SPEAKS PORTUGUESE TOO, WHICH MEANS I DON'T SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH A MENTAL DEFICIENCY WHEN I SPEAK ANYMORE!! Turns out though, that Brasilians don't generally like the Portugal accent, but I'm gonna cash that in as a compliment! 

The city Lagarto is doing well, too. It's always got stuff happening, even though it's considered a small town in Brazil (50,000 people). This last week, on Sunday, they had a BIG concert (at least, there were fliers from it lying everywhere in the city). Almost week for week, they have some popular Brazilian band or musician come into town, and there's reliably various parties afterwards. This last week's concert featured the talents of "The Colored Chicken(Galinha Pintadinha)" and Gummy Bear. Pretty cool, you know, a special concert especially for children, with a man-sized blue chicken and a 6-foot tall green bear. I didn't actually go, but I imagine it was pretty entertaining. 

Actually, it was probably EXTREMELY entertaining, and I wish I could have been there to watch the laws of children-mobs physics go into action. I belive a man that used to work at Disneyworld wrote a book about children-mobs physics, after having had much time to observe the laws in motion. My favorite that he wrote, and the most critic-acclaimed was, "The first law can best be seen in action during large gatherings of children, where large numbers are pre-existing. Upon a small number of children in the gathering seeing, spotting, smelling, hearing, or tasting any relatively man-sized, flourescently or otherwise highly colored character which generally contain hopeless, resigned and sweaty adults, will immediately commence to swarm said character, and finding him/her vulnerable, will begin to tear, kick, stab, beat, incinerate, shank, curb-stomp, karate-chop, power-ranger force blast, urinate upon, or decapitate said character, most frequently to the point of death." I personally think the man hit the head right on the nail, and if the first law of children-mobs physics has even the slightest shred of truth, I can guarantee that the Gummy Bear concert would have been like watching a horror movie, like Termite Bloodlust Swarm III. But unfortunately missionaries need to stay away from places they can't feel the Spirit, so I didn't go.

Okay, bye, see ya soon:)

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Elder Reneer

December 17, 2012

AND SO HERE I AM WRITING YOU, AND I'M LIKE, "OH MY, I'M GONNA SEE Y'ALL IN A WEEK!" Do you REALIZE what that means?? That means I'm gonna see you all in 7 DAYS. Do you REALIZE what that means? THAT MEAAANS that my EYES are going to be pointing in the direction of a planar surface screen of a computer that will be visually optically displaying YOUR FACES which will ALSO have EYES that will ALLLLSO be pointed in the direction of a planar display screen visualizer which will have MY likeness on it! THAT MEANS WE'LL BE LOOKING AT EACHOTHER! How NEAT is that? I declare that it is swell!

Declaration of Proceedings in the municipal district, Lagarto, Sergipe, Brazil, with regards to the reputable Daniel Reneer, the which possessing the title "Elder":

WOOOOO things have been flying by like crazy the past couple weeks. NEW COMPANION, Elder Silveira. He's WAY chill, easy to get along with, obedient, and likes to GO to WORK. He's legit!

A couple weeks ago I wanted to tell you about another "Brazilian first" that I forgot to tell you previously, when I was still with Elder Marques. At some point a while back, we were tidying up the house, getting things in order, making the house acceptably sanitary. When we were cleaning, Elder Marques called something to my attention. He was cleaning one of the bigger windows in the house, and he called me over. He pointed to the window and said, "Hey, you see that little green bug outside on the window?" "Yeah, I see it, why?" "Do you know what he does?" "...No." "First of all, don't let him get near you, because he'll bite you, burrow into the bite, and poop in the hole." "....Oh, so like, I'll itch really bad if he does that, or what?" "Yes." Okay, so at this point, I was a little concerned, and I didn't want to seem like an awe-struck stereotypical american tourist, so I think I just said something like, "Oh, well they have bugs a lot like that in the United States, they're tiny and they itch like crazy, they're called chiggers" Okay cool, mission accomplished, I masked my fear of being pooped in with a slighly belittling comment. And then Elder Marques looked at me and said, "Oh, and their poop spreads through your bloodstream and makes holes in your heart, too? I know of people that died from them." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THEY DON'T HAVE THAT IN THE UNITED STATES. I am almost absolutely sure that literally leathal poop does not exist...or, at least it doesn't exist in the form of an easily camoulflaged, leaf-shaped flying insect. You know, it really wouldn't be THAT bad of a way to go, getting bitten by an insect and dying, you would at LEAST have an exotic death story to tell people when you're hanging out with other dead people in the next life. It's not even that embarrassing..."Aw man, you wouldn't belIEVE how I got KO'd last life, man! I was down in Brasil, and some spider bit me, and I died in four minutes! It was way quick, didn't know what hit me! Or what bit me! Haha! Get it?"

Pretty decent story, right? But if you're bitten by the flying poop-death leafbug, you get to say, "Dude...I don't know...I was just, tidying up my house, when a leaf-bug bit me and..." "Aw, wait, stop right there man, you were bitten by...a what?" Then a few seconds of hesitation and, "A leaf bug..." "Oh, alright man, that's cool...keep going." "Okay, so yeah, he, sort of bit me, I think and then... well and then...well he kinda poodmeennee..." (mumbling off, embarrassed) "Huh? He poodelineed? What's that?" "No, he uh, pooed...in me. And then I just kind of, passed out, and died..." I've been thinking about my ideal death story for a while now, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want it to include a flying pooping leaf. I want it to be...believable you know?

So, I'm loving the branch here, and I'm loving the work, it's all going pretty good. I'm pretty comfortable witht the language now, which is a HUGE relief, and things are going a lot smoother because of it. The branch is kinda funny, actually, because there are a lot of different people to fill it. There's one sister that's there every week with her 5 year-old son, who acts a lot like Jacob used to at about 3 or 4 years old, a crazy, cooky little bouncy guy. And he's actually not too bad in the meetings, as long as his momma's around. Only, he has problems with keeping his clothes all on, and reliably every Sunday, by the third hour in Sacrament meeting, he's lost his shirt, and he's running around all the pews in circles and shouting. But besides that, the branch is pretty tame. That is, it should be, until the little boy grows up, passes through puberty, reaches adulthood and is still running around screaming in Sacrament with his shirt off and his momma laughing at him. Some say tigers can't change their stripes, so I'm pretty eager to test out that theory on this little guy.

HEY SO I LOVE YOU! Keep sending me photos of the family, I love them. And you really should take a lot more, for tons of reasons! One of them is me :) I only have a few pictures of the family to show people. Hope you like my weekly photo, I'm getting really thoroughly culturized to the free Brazil spirit.

OKAY BYE AND SO MUCH LOVE.

Elder Daniel Reneer

December 10, 2012

Just some more photos, I'm sending the written stuff in a bit here!

Not sure what order they'll be in, inrelation to the descriptions, so good luck:)

Me with some of the family at family night with members!

Baptism a couple weeks ago with Elder Marques! She's dating a member now, and they're gonna get married in the TEMPLE! YEAH!

Elder Pinto and I out on p-day at Lagarto's welcome sign!

And the some of the missionaries from the zone at CHURRASCO! (pronounced shoe-HAS-coo) Churrasco is SERIOUSLY the BEST restaurant style there is, it's like Tucano's, except WAY WAY BETTER. NEVER had meats this good in my life!